Mother earth I feel your pain
your sacrifice is not in vain
all of your children love you
though they don't know you
We are waking, the time has come
please support us, make us one
hard times are ahead you have warned us
please help us with the shift we need you more than ever
Is it too late to turn around?
All the mass destruction we have buried in the ground
your bodily temple so abundant and graceful
forgive us mother we have acted distasteful
My heart is in pain so I can't imagine yours
always giving giving asking no more
each person could give back
all that they receive and give more
and get no less than riches for eternity
not riches of this outer world where everything fades
all that glitters is gold
but in our heart is the real diamond
Make a castle inside where you can daily go
walking alone by the seashore and just letting it flow
making an offering of your life
to live it to the highest ideals
impeccability is a word I use now
as I give my life away
Giving giving and getting more
because I'm not asking or seeking for something more
but I will walk through every door
that is opened for me and when bread is offered
I am receiving
Gold is in my heart and my mind now
my teacher has diamonds in his eyes
that must be why
I am a golden girl
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Morning reflections over Chex cereal
I was reflecting this morning over a bowl of gluten free chex, sugar coated cereal. I have been completely sober for four years now. No alcohol, drugs, coffee and I'm even slowly weaning myself off sugar. I have really come a long way and when I look back to who I used to be, it's seems like a million years ago.
Gone are the days of feeling the need to impress people or do things to look good. For me now, it's all about what feels good. If it doesn't feel right, I don't do it. The freedom that comes with being sober is incredible because the mind just becomes more and more alert, sharp and refined. No external thing can take me out of the game. The only battle is with my own mental tendencies and alternating emotions. The mind when it's free of substance becomes a power house of clarity and focus. Every morning you rise to greet the day without fear.
I believe narcotics, including unhealthy foods and drinks are a way of self sabotage. A way to make it that much harder on ourselves to stay centered and true to our hearts and to keep the focus through out the day. Anything that takes us away from our true nature is a low dose of poison that slowly builds in the body and mind. Look at TV for example, an external source that upon excess consumption slowly transforms a once healthy person into unhealthy, lazy and overweight.
Just the other day as I walked down the seawall at Sunset, I felt high. As my mind and body are fed higher sources of energy; raw foods, sunlight, meditation, yoga, I feel my consciousness going with it. The real high comes from being straight.
Gone are the days of feeling the need to impress people or do things to look good. For me now, it's all about what feels good. If it doesn't feel right, I don't do it. The freedom that comes with being sober is incredible because the mind just becomes more and more alert, sharp and refined. No external thing can take me out of the game. The only battle is with my own mental tendencies and alternating emotions. The mind when it's free of substance becomes a power house of clarity and focus. Every morning you rise to greet the day without fear.
I believe narcotics, including unhealthy foods and drinks are a way of self sabotage. A way to make it that much harder on ourselves to stay centered and true to our hearts and to keep the focus through out the day. Anything that takes us away from our true nature is a low dose of poison that slowly builds in the body and mind. Look at TV for example, an external source that upon excess consumption slowly transforms a once healthy person into unhealthy, lazy and overweight.
Just the other day as I walked down the seawall at Sunset, I felt high. As my mind and body are fed higher sources of energy; raw foods, sunlight, meditation, yoga, I feel my consciousness going with it. The real high comes from being straight.
Monday, August 29, 2011
I would like to know
I would like to know...why is life so damn hard sometimes?
Why is it even harder when you're on a spiritual path?
You have to make choices based on the right thing to do, rather
than what YOU want.
Sometimes those decision, hurt, alot. Especially for others involved.
Being an artist, a woman, a spiritual being, it's tough sometimes.
Alot of my decision making and choices in life have seemed very irrational, even to me. I can't imagine how tough it has been on those around me, especially my partner. It's going to take a very understanding person to accept me.Maybe that's why I've spent so much of my time alone, isolating myself.
Being an artist, it takes a somewhat self focused or selfish attitude, as well as a large degree of solitude.
Being a 27-year-old woman with human hormones and lines of ancestry, naturally part of me leans towards wanting pregnancy, children, family, home and comfort. The other half, the artist is wild, uncharted and unactualized, pouring forth creativity and expression.
These are prime years in my life and it is time to make a conscious choice of where I will direct that energy, babies or projects. It sounds a little cold, but in a sense, it's the truth, as sad as I feel saying it. Maybe projects and then babies. Maybe projects and babies. If my partner can stick around me long enough and accept my eccentric and unpredictable ways. I wish I was diffrent, I wish I could be a little more solid. But as I was told by a medicine woman, I have to trust my healing journey and where it takes me. Do I want to live out the divine plan or my whims and wills?
Why is it even harder when you're on a spiritual path?
You have to make choices based on the right thing to do, rather
than what YOU want.
Sometimes those decision, hurt, alot. Especially for others involved.
Being an artist, a woman, a spiritual being, it's tough sometimes.
Alot of my decision making and choices in life have seemed very irrational, even to me. I can't imagine how tough it has been on those around me, especially my partner. It's going to take a very understanding person to accept me.Maybe that's why I've spent so much of my time alone, isolating myself.
Being an artist, it takes a somewhat self focused or selfish attitude, as well as a large degree of solitude.
Being a 27-year-old woman with human hormones and lines of ancestry, naturally part of me leans towards wanting pregnancy, children, family, home and comfort. The other half, the artist is wild, uncharted and unactualized, pouring forth creativity and expression.
These are prime years in my life and it is time to make a conscious choice of where I will direct that energy, babies or projects. It sounds a little cold, but in a sense, it's the truth, as sad as I feel saying it. Maybe projects and then babies. Maybe projects and babies. If my partner can stick around me long enough and accept my eccentric and unpredictable ways. I wish I was diffrent, I wish I could be a little more solid. But as I was told by a medicine woman, I have to trust my healing journey and where it takes me. Do I want to live out the divine plan or my whims and wills?
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Down to the bones
I took a three week drive across United States with my ex partner. There... I said it.
It was a spiritual journey and somehow, some way we ended up taking the trip together.
After two years of being apart.
Just imagine the possibilities
What is it about men that they love to give, when they feel something's in it for them
but when there's not, it seems their attention seems to drift
It was a spiritual journey and somehow, some way we ended up taking the trip together.
After two years of being apart.
Just imagine the possibilities
What is it about men that they love to give, when they feel something's in it for them
but when there's not, it seems their attention seems to drift
Following my heart and finally choosing my life path
E-mail from me to Tom
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2011 12:25 AM
Subject: Re: The Quest
Thank you Tom.
I am grateful for the open, honest and intuitive advice and feedback you offer me, and your promptness in replying to me :)
I am wondering how you would feel about me sharing some of the things you share with me on my blog.
Many of our conversations and questions posed, I feel may be helpful for the audience that tunes in.
What do you think?
I really hope I will be able to get over to Boracay soon, but to be honest, I see a plan unfolding here in Canada and the US
that may keep me here for at least a year. What I am getting is I need more training in filmmaking, writing, teaching, which are my skills. I am looking at a few technical schools here and also need to be close to an editor to get this film edited and distributed.
Please pray with me
Strange, as I left most of my stuff (not so important) in the Philippines and took with me what little belongings I cherish.
I did have an intuition to book a one way flight here which felt incredibly strange but makes sense now.
Johan is making plans to come here in Dec as he already feels my mind wavering to staying here.
Lots more to talk about
I am busy helping to guide and direct my little sister into a post secondary education, she is also having the same dilemna
as all of us of trying to figure out what to do with her life.
Much love to Karen and you
xo
Clarity
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2011 12:25 AM
Subject: Re: The Quest
Thank you Tom.
I am grateful for the open, honest and intuitive advice and feedback you offer me, and your promptness in replying to me :)
I am wondering how you would feel about me sharing some of the things you share with me on my blog.
Many of our conversations and questions posed, I feel may be helpful for the audience that tunes in.
What do you think?
I really hope I will be able to get over to Boracay soon, but to be honest, I see a plan unfolding here in Canada and the US
that may keep me here for at least a year. What I am getting is I need more training in filmmaking, writing, teaching, which are my skills. I am looking at a few technical schools here and also need to be close to an editor to get this film edited and distributed.
Please pray with me
Strange, as I left most of my stuff (not so important) in the Philippines and took with me what little belongings I cherish.
I did have an intuition to book a one way flight here which felt incredibly strange but makes sense now.
Johan is making plans to come here in Dec as he already feels my mind wavering to staying here.
Lots more to talk about
I am busy helping to guide and direct my little sister into a post secondary education, she is also having the same dilemna
as all of us of trying to figure out what to do with her life.
Much love to Karen and you
xo
Clarity
I want to share something
The last few blogs are from a spiritual dialog between Tom, a teacher/friend and I which has been going on via e-mail for several months. Tom is a teacher, crystal healer, modern day shaman who awoken me to the power and healing of crystals.
I was privileged to attend one of his group healing sessions in the Philippines in which he led us through breathing in a certain fashion for approx 20 mins. With nothing else but his guidance and the technique he led, my spirit soared to another level and connection I have rarely experienced in this lifetime.
This man has no weapons except his heart, his crystals and his incredible connections with the spirit realm. This is a white man from Sante Fe, New Mexico who made millions in insurance, gave it all away and then was given it all back again by his close friend, Spirit. This is a man who exemplifies in the world but not of it. He is always willing to help and offer his healing heart to the world. I would like to share parts of our conversations.
I was privileged to attend one of his group healing sessions in the Philippines in which he led us through breathing in a certain fashion for approx 20 mins. With nothing else but his guidance and the technique he led, my spirit soared to another level and connection I have rarely experienced in this lifetime.
This man has no weapons except his heart, his crystals and his incredible connections with the spirit realm. This is a white man from Sante Fe, New Mexico who made millions in insurance, gave it all away and then was given it all back again by his close friend, Spirit. This is a man who exemplifies in the world but not of it. He is always willing to help and offer his healing heart to the world. I would like to share parts of our conversations.
Guidance is coming through everything and everyone - You don't wanna miss
Tom's reply to me
Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Subject: Allowing
Film making is a powerful tool to reach masses of people. I enjoy documentaries a great deal, and feel that I learned something useful. Most of the film industry is focused on profits and have no regard for the product, so long as it makes money. If film making is your passion, you will succeed!
Blogging...hummmm.
Two days ago someone suggested that I start blogging, and now you are bringing it up. My only passion is to serve the consciousness of humanity, so if you want to use my insights on a blog or in any other way, that is fine with me. All I ask is that you keep the same ideal in mind... to serve others. I am not original in anything that I know of, and have no need to recognized for my thoughts. I am only a voice for the source from which all things are created.
I was dowsing years ago asking questions about many things. My ego wanted recognition for being successful in business, raising children, being healthy, and on and on. I kept asking If "i" was the creator of these things? "NO" and what about this? "NO" and what about that thing? "NO"!!
I was being taught that everything originates at the "Source" and looks for a "Form" that is willing to be an "Expression" of something new.
The ego itself is a creation of source for the purpose of expression. In short, we as egos (false sense of identity) create nothing!
The key to being an active expression for source, such as film making, music, literature, is to "Allow." Learn the difference between being "creative" and "allowing." Allowing is not waiting, or searching or wanting, needing, any of that stuff. Allowing is being "Available" it is preparing yourself by going to school and gathering the information from other points of expression to be ready for the next step in the evolution of an art form. It is a willingness to participate in creation (Co-creation). When I say you have a talent for film making, I am saying, "you are in someway allowing a channel to be open that source is using.
Meditate on this...
Tom
Date: Sun, Aug 28, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Subject: Allowing
Film making is a powerful tool to reach masses of people. I enjoy documentaries a great deal, and feel that I learned something useful. Most of the film industry is focused on profits and have no regard for the product, so long as it makes money. If film making is your passion, you will succeed!
Blogging...hummmm.
Two days ago someone suggested that I start blogging, and now you are bringing it up. My only passion is to serve the consciousness of humanity, so if you want to use my insights on a blog or in any other way, that is fine with me. All I ask is that you keep the same ideal in mind... to serve others. I am not original in anything that I know of, and have no need to recognized for my thoughts. I am only a voice for the source from which all things are created.
I was dowsing years ago asking questions about many things. My ego wanted recognition for being successful in business, raising children, being healthy, and on and on. I kept asking If "i" was the creator of these things? "NO" and what about this? "NO" and what about that thing? "NO"!!
I was being taught that everything originates at the "Source" and looks for a "Form" that is willing to be an "Expression" of something new.
The ego itself is a creation of source for the purpose of expression. In short, we as egos (false sense of identity) create nothing!
The key to being an active expression for source, such as film making, music, literature, is to "Allow." Learn the difference between being "creative" and "allowing." Allowing is not waiting, or searching or wanting, needing, any of that stuff. Allowing is being "Available" it is preparing yourself by going to school and gathering the information from other points of expression to be ready for the next step in the evolution of an art form. It is a willingness to participate in creation (Co-creation). When I say you have a talent for film making, I am saying, "you are in someway allowing a channel to be open that source is using.
Meditate on this...
Tom
Open to Interpretation
to: Clarity West
date: Sun, Aug 28, 2011 at 12:49 AM
Hi C,
Nice dream, very graphic. Some of the pieces strike a cord with me, like the rainbow. Hawaiians believe the rainbow is the most powerful totum in nature and represents the presence of our forefathers looking in on us. Ohana, or family is the center of the native culture, so to have the rainbow meant that deceased family spirits were close by.
The animals could mean many things including your guardian spirit, also known as "power animal" that is now making it's presence known to you through the dream. I had dreams of my power animal for years, but didn't know what it meant until I went on a shamanic journey and was met by that animal. He guided me to the lower world and in so doing opened my reality up wider.
I suggest your journal the dream with every detail, and then call upon your guides to help in understanding it. Take plenty of time with and show by your patience the desire to understand the dream. If you run into a shaman, ask to be guided on a shamanic journey. We can also do that when you come to Boracay but don't wait if a shaman is available now. The world is moving fast toward a transition and you want your guides close to help you find your way.
Tom
date: Sun, Aug 28, 2011 at 12:49 AM
Hi C,
Nice dream, very graphic. Some of the pieces strike a cord with me, like the rainbow. Hawaiians believe the rainbow is the most powerful totum in nature and represents the presence of our forefathers looking in on us. Ohana, or family is the center of the native culture, so to have the rainbow meant that deceased family spirits were close by.
The animals could mean many things including your guardian spirit, also known as "power animal" that is now making it's presence known to you through the dream. I had dreams of my power animal for years, but didn't know what it meant until I went on a shamanic journey and was met by that animal. He guided me to the lower world and in so doing opened my reality up wider.
I suggest your journal the dream with every detail, and then call upon your guides to help in understanding it. Take plenty of time with and show by your patience the desire to understand the dream. If you run into a shaman, ask to be guided on a shamanic journey. We can also do that when you come to Boracay but don't wait if a shaman is available now. The world is moving fast toward a transition and you want your guides close to help you find your way.
Tom
Saturday, August 27, 2011
"Blue child"
Tom and I re-opening the dialog after a months time
Hi C,
I was thinking about you yesterday, so nice synchronicity getting your letter. I hear good things as I read your letter, mostly listening and following feeling to guide you. Being in the moment and saying "Yes" to life's invitations is like riding the bullet train to awakening, while others are hitch hiking on abandon roads of religion, blame, consumerism and the like.
I have been studying the nine Hopi prophecies, of which eight have been fulfilled. The ninth is where we are now, and things are in motion with comet "Elenin" approaching Earth that could be the final act.
Watch the video on "awakeningasone.com." This video depicts some very possible outcomes humanity is facing between now and October 28. All of the elements of this video I was aware of, but the film maker was savvy enough to put the pieces together into a complete picture.
Being in Arizona you are very close to where I came to Earth many years ago, Santa Fe, New Mexico. That area is a powerful energy center that draws people there, such as myself when I was born into humanity. I had past lives in the southwest and was known as a "Blue child" in one such life. The blue child was recognized by the tribe shaman as his successor when born into the tribe, and had a blue circle painted on his back to distinguish them. The blue child had special freedoms since he or she needed to keep as much source connection as possible as they grew into adulthood. At about age 12 the child received close training by the shaman, learning plants, crystals, ceremonies, and altered consciousness methods.
In this lifetime I was born in Santa Fe to maintain my connection with this heritage. Give my love to Emerson and his wife and thank them for magnifying the light.
The habagat weather has been strong this season, so delaying your visit is in your best interests until things shift. Much has been going on here and I find myself drifting between strong emotions not common to my life. Even Karen, who is usually very steady has been affected by the earth and solar energies. As such I find myself sitting inside a rose quartz mandala that is programed for "Peace & Harmony". I also have done shamanic journeys to pick up power animals to strengthen my center. Together with the crystals I feel much better. My Angels also say to "Trust" and not worry about the global events, and when these evens do reach my door, to look at them through my "Heart Eyes".
I watched your Youtube trailer "The Quest". Well done... you have a gift for that art. The scene showing you in tears, saying: "I just want to go home" made me cry as well, for these are the words I have heard come from Karen, myself and others. We know we don't belong here... at some level, and yet we must learn to love "this" for what it is. All of us, no matter how numb or asleep, must embrace our state of separation, if we are to move beyond it. The pain is in the resistance, and that which we resist... persists!!
I noticed the various sources that you used for guidance in the film, Buddhism, Christianity, Native peoples etc. May I suggest one more possibility for the quest?
Spirituality may be the greatest deception the ego (maya) has devised to keep the earnest seeker, seeking! If you release even that hiding place, What then?
Loves,
Tom (Kon)
Hi C,
I was thinking about you yesterday, so nice synchronicity getting your letter. I hear good things as I read your letter, mostly listening and following feeling to guide you. Being in the moment and saying "Yes" to life's invitations is like riding the bullet train to awakening, while others are hitch hiking on abandon roads of religion, blame, consumerism and the like.
I have been studying the nine Hopi prophecies, of which eight have been fulfilled. The ninth is where we are now, and things are in motion with comet "Elenin" approaching Earth that could be the final act.
Watch the video on "awakeningasone.com." This video depicts some very possible outcomes humanity is facing between now and October 28. All of the elements of this video I was aware of, but the film maker was savvy enough to put the pieces together into a complete picture.
Being in Arizona you are very close to where I came to Earth many years ago, Santa Fe, New Mexico. That area is a powerful energy center that draws people there, such as myself when I was born into humanity. I had past lives in the southwest and was known as a "Blue child" in one such life. The blue child was recognized by the tribe shaman as his successor when born into the tribe, and had a blue circle painted on his back to distinguish them. The blue child had special freedoms since he or she needed to keep as much source connection as possible as they grew into adulthood. At about age 12 the child received close training by the shaman, learning plants, crystals, ceremonies, and altered consciousness methods.
In this lifetime I was born in Santa Fe to maintain my connection with this heritage. Give my love to Emerson and his wife and thank them for magnifying the light.
The habagat weather has been strong this season, so delaying your visit is in your best interests until things shift. Much has been going on here and I find myself drifting between strong emotions not common to my life. Even Karen, who is usually very steady has been affected by the earth and solar energies. As such I find myself sitting inside a rose quartz mandala that is programed for "Peace & Harmony". I also have done shamanic journeys to pick up power animals to strengthen my center. Together with the crystals I feel much better. My Angels also say to "Trust" and not worry about the global events, and when these evens do reach my door, to look at them through my "Heart Eyes".
I watched your Youtube trailer "The Quest". Well done... you have a gift for that art. The scene showing you in tears, saying: "I just want to go home" made me cry as well, for these are the words I have heard come from Karen, myself and others. We know we don't belong here... at some level, and yet we must learn to love "this" for what it is. All of us, no matter how numb or asleep, must embrace our state of separation, if we are to move beyond it. The pain is in the resistance, and that which we resist... persists!!
I noticed the various sources that you used for guidance in the film, Buddhism, Christianity, Native peoples etc. May I suggest one more possibility for the quest?
Spirituality may be the greatest deception the ego (maya) has devised to keep the earnest seeker, seeking! If you release even that hiding place, What then?
Loves,
Tom (Kon)
A dream within a dream
To: Tom Neff
Sent: Sunday, August 28, 2011 2:43 PM
I was walking along a path in a cleared area that looked like a desert sort of area.
As I got further down the path there was a peacock walking around and I noticed it.
I kept walking and looked back at the peacock. At that moment a jaguar came out of nowhere and bit the head off of the peacock. The head of the bird went flying through the air and landed at my feet.
I picked the head up with the neck of it still attached, on the top of the head was one beautiful long feather.
I looked back and the bird's body was still running around without a head until it dissapeared.
I kept walking holding the neck of the bird like a staff, on the top of the head the long feather was rainbow.
I brought it home and my mother washed the head in the shower because the feather was covered in blood stains.
When I took the head out of the shower, the feather was limp but as soon as I held it, the feather turned into
a long beautiful rainbow mane which I brushed and it became more and more beautiful.
Sent: Sunday, August 28, 2011 2:43 PM
I was walking along a path in a cleared area that looked like a desert sort of area.
As I got further down the path there was a peacock walking around and I noticed it.
I kept walking and looked back at the peacock. At that moment a jaguar came out of nowhere and bit the head off of the peacock. The head of the bird went flying through the air and landed at my feet.
I picked the head up with the neck of it still attached, on the top of the head was one beautiful long feather.
I looked back and the bird's body was still running around without a head until it dissapeared.
I kept walking holding the neck of the bird like a staff, on the top of the head the long feather was rainbow.
I brought it home and my mother washed the head in the shower because the feather was covered in blood stains.
When I took the head out of the shower, the feather was limp but as soon as I held it, the feather turned into
a long beautiful rainbow mane which I brushed and it became more and more beautiful.
Imagine
Imagine $800,000 sitting in your bank account.
How would you live? What choices would you make?
I intend to live my life from that place.From the place of infinite possibilities, where all I have to do is claim what I want.
More importantly, all I have to do is choose what I want for my life and stand firm, unwavering.
Set my life up for what I want and let the flow take care of the universe.
Trust is the key ingredient. Standing at the bus stop and waiting, knowing that any moment
the bus will come around the corner to pick me up. Standing firmly in that place of faith until the last second.
If you leave a few seconds early, you end up chasing the bus down the street
and you may even miss it completely.
I want to trust
I have faith I can trust
How would you live? What choices would you make?
I intend to live my life from that place.From the place of infinite possibilities, where all I have to do is claim what I want.
More importantly, all I have to do is choose what I want for my life and stand firm, unwavering.
Set my life up for what I want and let the flow take care of the universe.
Trust is the key ingredient. Standing at the bus stop and waiting, knowing that any moment
the bus will come around the corner to pick me up. Standing firmly in that place of faith until the last second.
If you leave a few seconds early, you end up chasing the bus down the street
and you may even miss it completely.
I want to trust
I have faith I can trust
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Ok I admit
Admittedly I am blogging alot lately. But you have to understand, I am away from my lover, my home in Palawan and I have no job. I don't watch TV, I don't drink and for crying out loud, I don't even eat gluten.
I have to do something with my time. I really want to share and as well, this is more like my personal diary than anything. Since being out in the bush for the last eight months and awakening to my healing hand things have changed for me this time coming home to Vancouver. I am seeing things diffrently, like watching my aunt swim in the pool tonight. I don't know if it was the maltodextrin in the teriyaki crackers I ate but as I watched her form glide across the lit up pool, it seemed like magic. Like I was watching some magic show of light and energy and the way the light was bouncing in the night felt very sacred. I am seeing things in a sacred manner and I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed by it at times. Being around so many thousands of energy bodies downtown after being around mostly Jo, alone or with only the small population in the little town of El Nido. The entire town of El Nido is equivalent to a couple Vancouver blocks and the population is probably smaller than China town. Since coming home I had the realization of the medicine and sacredness each being has to offer.
We all have medicine and it is our choice whether we feed people good or bad medicine. For example, if you are a receptionist and you don't smile when someone comes to ask some simple information, imagine the effect that one person can have on another's day. Just a smile, now that is good medicine.
Anyways, the desire to smoke pot came up strong tonight. It's a way to drown the mind, to get out of the thoughts, get out of ourselves. But that is exactly it, it's avoiding the self and life. I'm not saying I'm against marijuana use, what I'm saying is I made the conscious choice to be with myself tonight and what I am experiencing. I also figure that after three weeks of spiritual journeying, I owe it to myself to fill myself up with good things. Tomorrow night is the sweat lodge and I want my mind clean and clear. The more sober I am and the more I meditate, this life just seems to be magic. Like this morning, this blue jay landed right near me while I was doing yoga and it started to chirp at me. But not just chirp, it started to communicate at me, it really wanted my attention. This is the second time in three days that a blue jay has landed near me and chirped in this incessant way, like trying to get my attention. As my mind got still today, I realized it was telling me to pay attention. The lessons and the magic that is unfolding right now for me here, back in Vancouver, something special is transpiring and I need to be open to the deeper meaning of things. I looked up the meaning of Blue Jay medicine in Native American symbology and it reads: Royalty, Energy, Enthusiasm.
I have to do something with my time. I really want to share and as well, this is more like my personal diary than anything. Since being out in the bush for the last eight months and awakening to my healing hand things have changed for me this time coming home to Vancouver. I am seeing things diffrently, like watching my aunt swim in the pool tonight. I don't know if it was the maltodextrin in the teriyaki crackers I ate but as I watched her form glide across the lit up pool, it seemed like magic. Like I was watching some magic show of light and energy and the way the light was bouncing in the night felt very sacred. I am seeing things in a sacred manner and I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed by it at times. Being around so many thousands of energy bodies downtown after being around mostly Jo, alone or with only the small population in the little town of El Nido. The entire town of El Nido is equivalent to a couple Vancouver blocks and the population is probably smaller than China town. Since coming home I had the realization of the medicine and sacredness each being has to offer.
We all have medicine and it is our choice whether we feed people good or bad medicine. For example, if you are a receptionist and you don't smile when someone comes to ask some simple information, imagine the effect that one person can have on another's day. Just a smile, now that is good medicine.
Anyways, the desire to smoke pot came up strong tonight. It's a way to drown the mind, to get out of the thoughts, get out of ourselves. But that is exactly it, it's avoiding the self and life. I'm not saying I'm against marijuana use, what I'm saying is I made the conscious choice to be with myself tonight and what I am experiencing. I also figure that after three weeks of spiritual journeying, I owe it to myself to fill myself up with good things. Tomorrow night is the sweat lodge and I want my mind clean and clear. The more sober I am and the more I meditate, this life just seems to be magic. Like this morning, this blue jay landed right near me while I was doing yoga and it started to chirp at me. But not just chirp, it started to communicate at me, it really wanted my attention. This is the second time in three days that a blue jay has landed near me and chirped in this incessant way, like trying to get my attention. As my mind got still today, I realized it was telling me to pay attention. The lessons and the magic that is unfolding right now for me here, back in Vancouver, something special is transpiring and I need to be open to the deeper meaning of things. I looked up the meaning of Blue Jay medicine in Native American symbology and it reads: Royalty, Energy, Enthusiasm.
E-mail to my lover
Hi Babe
sometimes its hard to be in the city wow
Its like walking amogst sleep walkers
I dont wanna walk with them like the living dead
I gotta be more focused and together than the average zombie right
I wanna do God's will
Its funny cuz sometimes i feel like i dont wanna do anything
I dont care about anything
its like I know the end goal
but I gotta do some shit here
I know being in the drama and not of it is the highest discipline
I am learning
sometimes I feel like I know so little
I want to walk on this earth free
you know
love you
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I am
I am giving what God is giving through me
I am receiving what God is giving me
I trust. I am faith and love
I am receiving what God is giving me
I trust. I am faith and love
I wanna
My hand moves
my heart trembles
a cloud of smoke carries my prayers to the creator
my feet step over and over on mother earth
I knock on the sky every morning and evening
calling to God in my heart as I wash the dishes
I am a crystal gazer
star child
a rainbow sundancer
a woman of the desert
I paint from the stars
I pray to the moon
I am indigo
I love who I am
I am the most beautiful girl I know
I am a rainbow light worker
Lessons on the journey from the Philippines back to Vancouver
Attend to yourself first - before helping children or others - China Airlines
Be Clear - Be You - 7-UP
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything - Sucker Punch
You have a choice to be happy or sad. And I choose to be happy, so I'm happy. - The Tree
SELF CONTROL - Taxi bumper sticker
The spiral
Last night my sister, Christina and I sat up until 3am talking. She just graduated highschool and she is going through her first major life crisis; trying to figure out what to do for a career. She feels lost in making the decision of what to study and at which school but the real fear comes from making the wrong decision.
After getting down to the bones, the words "I'm just sick of being poor" came out of her. Her feeling was that her money situation was limiting her options and choices. I tried to explain to her that most kids don't have $40,000 sitting in their bank accounts nor do most of their parents and that money should never dictate her decision making. We ended up going outside and having a tobacco to pray together for some clarity and direction for these very important decisions that needed to be made.
As I was walked the dog earlier today, I reflected on last night's conversation. I thought about Tina's comment about being poor as taking to mean she was classifying my father as poor since he is her care giver. It's funny because since arriving in Vancouver, I have really been looking on my father as a wealthy man. My living the last eight months in a more remote part of the Philippines, away from the luxuries Vancouver has to offer has obviously given me a new perspective on my old life. It makes me sad that my sister feels poor. I see the small but beautiful home she lives in, a fridge full of food, her own computer in her room and a closet full of nice new clothes. Not to mentions the beautiful abundant garden in the backyard full of green vegetables, a washer and dryer, bathtub with hot running water and to top it all off, electricity 24 hours a day. Wow.
The fact that society has convinced my intelligent and sharp minded sister that she is poor, is really a sad thing. To have all kinds of things and be in debt, is that really wealth. I see that she is not the only one who has been brainwahsed into this kind of thinking. Sorry to get a little heavy here but I canot deny the things I am seeing. From my own experience, my awakening to this system happened shortly after leaving the city for an extended period. There was sufficient time for my body and mind to detox from the poison society had subtly injected into my body and mind. If our minds were not conditioned to buy and constantly seek happiness outside ourselves, we would start to turn inwards and discover how much power we actually have. Like I said before, I don't know whether to build a career or a bomb shelter.
I'm thinking a lot about how wonderful it would be to be living on our own family land and to wake up every morning and know that the day would be spent doing what you love, caring for your garden, your family and living a natural life. You can drink the water and know that it is clean and full of life and you can gather food from the garden you cared for.
I woke up yesterday morning wondering what I was doing back in Vancouver sleeping on my dad's couch. Especially since I have a beautiful oceanside home in Palawan and a partner that I am in love with. I couldn't help but feel hard on myself and a bit like I was going backwards. Why the hell am I here, right back in society again?
After meditating, I am feeling more centered and solid in myself. I am here pursuing a vision, my calling to complete a project I started two years ago. "The Quest", a documentary about my personal vision quest and the teachers who catapulted my life and the message to Earth at this time. I am feeling the guidance and pull to get it out there, now at this time. I get the sense that by sharing our personal stories and struggles, somehow we can inspire eachothers own journeys too. I'm intending to focus my energy on the upward spiraling energy and to keep from the downward pull of "poor me" and "I can't".
I want to say that right now I'm homeless but I have a roof over my head. I want to say that I'm peniless but my cosmic father owns everything and being his daughter, so do I. I want to say I'm all alone because my partner is back in the Philippines but I am surrounded with love and protection, visible and invisible.
Once again this crazy Gemini has been uprooted and allowed her heart to pull her to the other side of the world. I trust that as I take steps, the right thing will unfold for me, as it always does. My dad says it's an answer to prayers having me here right now to help my sister transition into her new school and life. I pray for her a lot and for the best thing to come about.
Now I am intending to manifest a video camera as it seems that my life has become a very interresting story
After getting down to the bones, the words "I'm just sick of being poor" came out of her. Her feeling was that her money situation was limiting her options and choices. I tried to explain to her that most kids don't have $40,000 sitting in their bank accounts nor do most of their parents and that money should never dictate her decision making. We ended up going outside and having a tobacco to pray together for some clarity and direction for these very important decisions that needed to be made.
As I was walked the dog earlier today, I reflected on last night's conversation. I thought about Tina's comment about being poor as taking to mean she was classifying my father as poor since he is her care giver. It's funny because since arriving in Vancouver, I have really been looking on my father as a wealthy man. My living the last eight months in a more remote part of the Philippines, away from the luxuries Vancouver has to offer has obviously given me a new perspective on my old life. It makes me sad that my sister feels poor. I see the small but beautiful home she lives in, a fridge full of food, her own computer in her room and a closet full of nice new clothes. Not to mentions the beautiful abundant garden in the backyard full of green vegetables, a washer and dryer, bathtub with hot running water and to top it all off, electricity 24 hours a day. Wow.
The fact that society has convinced my intelligent and sharp minded sister that she is poor, is really a sad thing. To have all kinds of things and be in debt, is that really wealth. I see that she is not the only one who has been brainwahsed into this kind of thinking. Sorry to get a little heavy here but I canot deny the things I am seeing. From my own experience, my awakening to this system happened shortly after leaving the city for an extended period. There was sufficient time for my body and mind to detox from the poison society had subtly injected into my body and mind. If our minds were not conditioned to buy and constantly seek happiness outside ourselves, we would start to turn inwards and discover how much power we actually have. Like I said before, I don't know whether to build a career or a bomb shelter.
I'm thinking a lot about how wonderful it would be to be living on our own family land and to wake up every morning and know that the day would be spent doing what you love, caring for your garden, your family and living a natural life. You can drink the water and know that it is clean and full of life and you can gather food from the garden you cared for.
I woke up yesterday morning wondering what I was doing back in Vancouver sleeping on my dad's couch. Especially since I have a beautiful oceanside home in Palawan and a partner that I am in love with. I couldn't help but feel hard on myself and a bit like I was going backwards. Why the hell am I here, right back in society again?
After meditating, I am feeling more centered and solid in myself. I am here pursuing a vision, my calling to complete a project I started two years ago. "The Quest", a documentary about my personal vision quest and the teachers who catapulted my life and the message to Earth at this time. I am feeling the guidance and pull to get it out there, now at this time. I get the sense that by sharing our personal stories and struggles, somehow we can inspire eachothers own journeys too. I'm intending to focus my energy on the upward spiraling energy and to keep from the downward pull of "poor me" and "I can't".
I want to say that right now I'm homeless but I have a roof over my head. I want to say that I'm peniless but my cosmic father owns everything and being his daughter, so do I. I want to say I'm all alone because my partner is back in the Philippines but I am surrounded with love and protection, visible and invisible.
Once again this crazy Gemini has been uprooted and allowed her heart to pull her to the other side of the world. I trust that as I take steps, the right thing will unfold for me, as it always does. My dad says it's an answer to prayers having me here right now to help my sister transition into her new school and life. I pray for her a lot and for the best thing to come about.
Now I am intending to manifest a video camera as it seems that my life has become a very interresting story
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
On the road again
I'm currently in Salt Lake City, Utah. Oh man.
Just finished Sundance one day ago. Fasting and praying, no food or water (except a few sips on the third day) in the desert of South Dakota, over 90 degrees with 200 other people praying and calling on God. A vortex, a vortex of rainbow energy. Every race and color; red, black, white, yellow, all of us dancing in unison as brothers and sisters of Earth. Feeling my mother's soft face on my bare feet, felt like a dream. There was one point where I looked up to the blue sky to see a huge circle that had formed above the sundance circle, made of thick clouds. I wondered for a moment whether I was dancing in heaven or on earth, the line was thin. The energy was spiraling and my consciousness faded in and out from mind to spirit.
Dragon flies, 30 or 40 of them, flying above and all around us, breaking the illusion and helping us cross into the spirit world for those sacred four days.
Rise - 4:30am, Sweat Lodge - 5am , Greet the Sun -6am, Pray, fast, dance 6am-5pm, Sweat 5:30pm
Sleep. Sundancers, Sundancers, it's time to wake up and greet the day, Repeat. Let go. Tell the mind to frick off.
It was beyond human words....beautiful, humbling, extraordinary, a dream, a vision, one of the most intensely difficult things I have ever experienced. I was in tears the first day of fasting, seeing how God and my beautiful friends brought me here. Life is so beyond my understanding. I feel humble, like a baby. I walked in to the circle thinking I knew something, alot, even a little, I know nothing.
One day after Sundance, I am on my way across country to California. Every state I cross is like entering a new cuntry with it's unique beauty and scenery. Driving through this open country with expansive sunsets, stretching mountains, miles of trees, stretching rivers, red cliffs, deep gorges, golden meadows, lightning storms and desert stretches.
I arrived in Salt Lake city today and hit up the local Whole Foods to get some nutrition in my pathetically skinny body. As I walked through the large shopping complex, I started to feel very sad. I hid my teary eyes under my green sun glasses, excused myself and waited outside while my friend continued to shop.. My heart was expanded at the Sundance and I could feel and see things so clearly. The emptiness of this silly material world, all people want to do is shop, to fill the void. Avoiding what is obvious and inevitably going to come to an end. Mother earth is so hurting from our mis-use of her life energy, her resources. So much packaging and plastic shit we don't need. Plastic bags to bag the plastic covered food. Walk into Wal-mart and you can find 1 million things you don't need. Living my simple life in the Philippines away from mainstream society has made me very sensitive, oh so sensitive.
Well. I am going to be here a little longer, going to spend a week with my father and sisters in California so I am en route there with my friend from Sundance. I hope I see you soon and maybe one time, you wanna take a drive across country here in the US.
Much to write, much to share. Soon, soon
Ommmmmm shanti
Just finished Sundance one day ago. Fasting and praying, no food or water (except a few sips on the third day) in the desert of South Dakota, over 90 degrees with 200 other people praying and calling on God. A vortex, a vortex of rainbow energy. Every race and color; red, black, white, yellow, all of us dancing in unison as brothers and sisters of Earth. Feeling my mother's soft face on my bare feet, felt like a dream. There was one point where I looked up to the blue sky to see a huge circle that had formed above the sundance circle, made of thick clouds. I wondered for a moment whether I was dancing in heaven or on earth, the line was thin. The energy was spiraling and my consciousness faded in and out from mind to spirit.
Dragon flies, 30 or 40 of them, flying above and all around us, breaking the illusion and helping us cross into the spirit world for those sacred four days.
Rise - 4:30am, Sweat Lodge - 5am , Greet the Sun -6am, Pray, fast, dance 6am-5pm, Sweat 5:30pm
Sleep. Sundancers, Sundancers, it's time to wake up and greet the day, Repeat. Let go. Tell the mind to frick off.
It was beyond human words....beautiful, humbling, extraordinary, a dream, a vision, one of the most intensely difficult things I have ever experienced. I was in tears the first day of fasting, seeing how God and my beautiful friends brought me here. Life is so beyond my understanding. I feel humble, like a baby. I walked in to the circle thinking I knew something, alot, even a little, I know nothing.
One day after Sundance, I am on my way across country to California. Every state I cross is like entering a new cuntry with it's unique beauty and scenery. Driving through this open country with expansive sunsets, stretching mountains, miles of trees, stretching rivers, red cliffs, deep gorges, golden meadows, lightning storms and desert stretches.
I arrived in Salt Lake city today and hit up the local Whole Foods to get some nutrition in my pathetically skinny body. As I walked through the large shopping complex, I started to feel very sad. I hid my teary eyes under my green sun glasses, excused myself and waited outside while my friend continued to shop.. My heart was expanded at the Sundance and I could feel and see things so clearly. The emptiness of this silly material world, all people want to do is shop, to fill the void. Avoiding what is obvious and inevitably going to come to an end. Mother earth is so hurting from our mis-use of her life energy, her resources. So much packaging and plastic shit we don't need. Plastic bags to bag the plastic covered food. Walk into Wal-mart and you can find 1 million things you don't need. Living my simple life in the Philippines away from mainstream society has made me very sensitive, oh so sensitive.
Well. I am going to be here a little longer, going to spend a week with my father and sisters in California so I am en route there with my friend from Sundance. I hope I see you soon and maybe one time, you wanna take a drive across country here in the US.
Much to write, much to share. Soon, soon
Ommmmmm shanti
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