feel free

Since this is basically my diary, I am just going to feel free to express myself right now. Especially since I have no one I really feel I can talk to. I am so scared to be myself sometimes, especially around men and I dont know why. It really sucks because the beauty and marvel that I am comes from truly being myself, I mean I really am a great person. You just wouldnt know it sometimes because Im hiding behind a wall of fears and self doubt. Im not really too sure what is going on these days but it seems that the intensity of life in general is really starting to peak. Not only that but I can no longer hide from myself and any nook or cranny that is out of integrity is being exposed. I feel naked and totally open to face the bright light of day and I am completely and utterly alone. The only people that I have left for some reason I am being faced with being away from them and Im not sure if I am pushing them away or if I am truly following what is right. Im just not sure about much anymore. The only really true feeling I keep returning to is that I must be in myself. I must stand firm and true within myself and no matter how much I listen to others, I still have to make choices from my inward guide. I called my guides and God for help this morning because I was lost, swimming within the insanity of my own mind. Like a warm beam of light, the veil was removed and the calm returned wrapping me in peace. It was all a dream, I wasnt suffering anything but the torment of my own incessant thinking. Being in the heart is the only truth these days for me. I havent been getting much sleep these days as I am busy, which is good because I am creating. But I am looking forward to the rest that is coming once school is out. School, will we ever be done with school.