The words to describe my karma are: really fast, intense and quick.
It seems I am an extremist of sorts and it also seems to play out with my karma.
I live in an ashram. I own nothing. I live in the city. I own a store.
I have nothing. I have everything.
I lay on the beach in the Philippines and do sadhana for 6 hours a day. I'm in the US working 7 days a week.
I live in the countryside of Oregon as a nun. I'm living in LA wheeling and dealing. Haha
I'm not sure but I have always sort of lived life intensely. I think I get bored easily.
It's interesting karma that Master has brought me to LA, to southern California. But I do feel that my vibration attracted me here. Somehow I have denied for years wanting to live here. Not feeling like I was ready or if it was for me. Master tricked me into coming here. For how long, who knows? It's only been over a week that I have arrived here and I'm already getting anxiety that I haven't started a company yet. That's what I do. I start companies. I have already had 2 formally incorporated companies and 2 informal companies of my own and I am not even 30. It's really what I love to do besides meditating. It's also the only way I know how to make money. I've never really been able to figure out the art of having "a job". But maybe it's all for the good. Business for me and the art of "making it" really attracts me. It gives me something to direct my focus and energy too. That's why I love to make movie. It's directing and focusing energy to achieve a certain goal and tangible outcome.Besides the pursuit of God, Yogananda said the art of making money dharmically is the next most worthwhile goal.
I have always felt compelled to make a success of this life with some noble activity or business that can help mankind achieve greater connection with God and himself. I think those "men" that I want to help on a global level are children. I love children but I don't have any of my own. I'm not sure if I ever will?
I particularly love being around kids because they are real.
They are beyond pretense, close mindedness and stubbornness that you see so commonly with adults.
Anyhow I am feeling good about the possibility of dreaming and seeing a future full of goodness. It seems that after 29 years of struggle and agony, my dharma is finally becoming clear. Thank the lord. I think this is in a large part why I have not felt fully happy. I need to be fulfilling my dharma. Which is the reason why God sent me here. He has a very specific purpose for me and for us. And when we find that, we feel fulfilled, content, happy. Even if there is not a lot of money in it, wealth in and of itself means nothing even Yogananda said it. But that will come too, I know it will when I am in line with what I love to do and I'm focused on giving much more than taking.
Ananda has been a great disciplined path for me to learn about giving and offering myself, It's been intense and can get out of hand sometimes, but all in all, better to go all the way one way, and then at least you can swing back to the middle again. You see, again with the extremes! Ok, soo tired now, goodnight.
Ommmmmmmm
Om
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