Real Media Wake Up Call

I like to think a lot. About life, about things, it's my nature.
Lately, I have had a lot of time to myself. In work, in play, in recreation.

Paramhansa Yogananda says, if you can have a little space that is yours where you can close the door, that is all you need. I am enjoying this truth lately. Having my own space, it has been many years since I have had a room to call my own, quite some years actually.

Seclusion is really the price of greatness as many great Masters have pointed out. Intense... but greatness, knowledge, wisdom, clarity, it all seems to be flowing from this alone-ness, this time of just being with myself. I have started to become more clear in my thinking about life, with seeing things, as they are.
The challenge is that to see so much and then, not to judge it. Or not react to it.


I can honestly say that living in a group with like minded people, is powerful, beneficial and much needed. I have been living on my own for several months now and tangibly feel the influence of the city's mentality and consciousness, weight and heaviness much much more since moving out of the group living ashram in LA.
It is powerful to have around like minded, positive people who support you. It actually creates a protection, a vortex. And with any vortex of energy, it stirs the pot. So whatever you got goin on in that crazy head of yours, it's gonna come out. And it ain't always pretty. Haha.

So what leads me to talk about all of this on this Tuesday evening?
Recently, I went to a 3 hr group meditation and I think I was only there for the last half. Bu it was like walking into an anti gravity chamber. The silence was so tangible you could feel it. The peace, permeated every particle of my being. The thoughts were quiet, un-present, the chatter and confusion all gone. Totally.

Have you ever had thoughts through out your day that you were doing the wrong thing, going the wrong way, not doing what you should be doing or not doing enough. Do you ever feel guilt, or shame or like you are not good enough in some way or not there yet? And do you think these thoughts are real?

So what happened after I came out of the meditation? I started to hear all those thoughts. BUT this time, I saw them!! I saw those thoughts running through my mind like a tape recording. All those negative thoughts, they were there but my mind was so restless that I didn't even know it until now. My mind had become so still from that 1.5hr meditation that I saw them. So what did I do about it? I said "fuck it, I'm gonna go get some frozen yogurt and let those thoughts roll all day long if they want to". I'm not gonna believe them, or act on them, I'm just gonna see them for what they are. And they just disappeared.
Actually sometimes, I just say out loud or in my head, "Shut up, I don't believe that". Or you can try "Go to hell, because that's where you came from"! Hahaha.

So here's my theory and correct me if I'm wrong but it's my blog so I'm just gonna go for it:

The city is actually broadcasting these thoughts. Everywhere. In the ether, in the food, in the cell phone towers, off the chem trails spraying over the city, in the mass media, the television, the ads, the job, the pay check, the mortgage, the cell phone bill, the debt, the car, the clothes, the house, the whole whack of it. It's all being projected to us and at the end of the day, How are we supposed to feel???

For those of you who don't meditate yet... I don't know how you do it!  The only way, the only absolute way I know how to stop all of this, is to be quiet. The allow the mind to rest. To allow the soul to shine through and re-connect with what we truly are.

So here's my thought: How do we get out of this? Do we move to a farm and start growing our own food? Yes. Do we get together with other people and groups and collaborate on standing up for our rights as souls, as free human beings? Yes. Do we stop buying into and believing this absolute crap they are trying to feed us? Yes. We do and we do it now and we allow ourselves to shine because that is the way to be victorious. To be our true selves.

So all of this has brought me back into me and now it's time to meditate. I look forward to hearing from you soon:)

I Love You

The longest journey is from your head to your heart dammit

Here’s the thing. I am attempting to do something not too many people do these days. And no wonder it’s painful at times. I am attempting to find happiness inside myself. Not from exterior people, places or things. Sometimes in such an extreme way that’s it painful. But I feel like, “how can I ever be happy if I can’t just make myself happy”. I don’t smoke pot, I don’t watch TV, I don’t really go out and party or anything like that, heck, sometime I don’t even hang out with friends. I just kind of like to do lonely, inward things like walk, or paint, or read or write. But of course, I love my friends and as the weather gets nicer I plan to get out more, naturally.

My point is is that sometimes I wonder why it’s such a hard time I am having. Well, I am not distracting myself. I am not in a constant state of mental agitation or busyness so I can see, hear, feel tangibly what is really going on inside of me. That’s why people generally don’t want to be alone I think, because we have to be with ourselves face what is going on in there. But I want to be at peace with myself, so when I do things, outwardly when I have distractions, or work, or no time to myself, I want to be at peace inside. I don’t want to do things to outwardly distract me from my feelings, I don’t want to buy things to make myself feel worthy and I don’t want to be with someone, to make me happy. I want to have all these already. I want to be full already. I don’t want to fill myself up with anything.
Then, once I am full, all these things will come and they will just be added bonuses to my already happy life. Money will just be a tool to navigate with, not to complete me or change how I feel. Money will make you happy is a lie. Money doesn’t do anything. You have to first change your inward state to feel good about yourself, about life, about your deservingness and value and then money comes easier. This isn’t something I'm making up, I have experienced this. 

Anyhow. I’m finally realizing why this journey has been a difficult one. It’s because I’m doing the hardest thing there is to do in this life, I am on the journey to remember myself. I want to know who I am and I want to be at peace. Happiness is my main goal, and now that I know this, I don’t have to be so hard on myself dammit. I am a warrior on the biggest mission there is to embark on and this is not a short term goal. But I was sort of taking it that way. Why aren’t I enlightened yet Dammit! Oh well, live and learn right. But it’s nice to share with you. Ok, off to “work” now.

J

Nothing important

I have nothing important to say. I am not as an important person as I used to think. There is something very humbling about life. Everything comes around. Self confidence at some point will have to be humbled, and the humbled one will gain strength from the times he got to know him self.

I have nothing important to say tonight except what is so important about being important. Is a life lived slowly, humbly and happily not truly a successful one. Have you ever lived in the fast lane? I have. You move fast, make money fast, think quickly and sharply. And you move so fast, when your done, there is no one left around. Seriously, I have left countless people behind because I wanted to grow fast, move fast, make money faster, or reach enlightenment.

I was told there is a natural timing to things and they just happen, without us forcing anything. (I watched the Lion King this week because I was sick in bed) We will naturally evolve, we will naturally find God in ourselves. This all will happen without the forcing. So.... I do have some things to say. But none of them are important.

Hakuna Matata - no worries - Lion King

Karmic connections

When I was younger I used to be addicted to drugs. Now meditation is my medication.

I want to write about unconsciousness. When we get hurt or are in pain and that pain accumulates over years and years or if we have had some traumatic life event, it is very easy to slip into unconsciousness. Facing emotions, feelings and meeting life head on takes a lot of courage.
It can be challenging and it sometimes takes years to sort through and heal these events.
But we can always forgive and always heal.

When I was young, I experienced a lot of karmic burden and was faced with intense situations very early on in life. It demanded of me a great level of maturity to handle what I was experiencing. It was very easy to slip into unconsciousness and even easier to choose my escape in the form of drugs and alcohol. Even weed, though a harmless herb, is subtly a form of escape. Living and growing up in Vancouver, marijuana is accepted as recreational and social and rarely even referred to as a drug. And for some, it may not be. But for me, it was. It was another way to make life more exciting and sometimes just bearable. It solicited creativity and expansion for some time and I do admit that much of my spirituality was sparked by it. But all of this brings me to a greater depth of exploration. IF I had not found drugs, would my spirituality naturally have come out anyways. These thoughts of responsibility have been coming to mind for me. These events that happen to us, is it because of past life events and decisions that we come into this life and experience certain eperiences. Such as, someone who is really angry, is it really the events that are happening around them that are making them angry, or are they just angry. OR when I was hurt from a very young age, did I come into this world hurt, or did the events cause the hurt?

I was in Save on Foods today and there was this really fowl lady standing behind me in line. Fowl because I could just feel the negative energy pervading her aura. Do you ever just feel that around someone and you want to move aside because you get a bad vibe being in their presence. Well anyways. I could feel this negative energy and it was so bad it almost started to make me mad. I realized I was taking on her energy, I was allowing it to affect me. But it was my choice in that moment how I felt. Ya, maybe she was eyeing me down because I'm young and beautiful and she is old and bitter but so what, why should I get myself upset over her googly stink eye. So I just pulled myself back into myself and felt good, because that is my natural state. I'm kind of being fasicious right now and I know we all have our bad days. But the point I am trying to make is about taking responsibility for all that happens to us. Taking the power back and not allowing circumstance to dictate us.

The other point is that a lot of people on this great Earth are walking around unconscious. For whatever reason, from hurt or lack of knowledge they walk around unconscious and literally, they are living in the darkness. It is sad but true. When you are in the dark, you hurt people, yourself and others. They can't help it, they are in the darkness. But like Gandhiji said, "hate the sin, not the sinner". We still have to keep ourselves protected from these people, but we can still love them, but maybe sometimes from a distance. There is one particular person in my life that has hurt me over and over again. It was someone particularly close to me and at some point, I just had to cut her off. That was enough. I love her to death, but her unconscious behavior is just rampant and until she clears that shit up, I want no part in it. I pray for her everyday but I can't allow myself to continue the vicious cycle. We can't help everyone but we can pray for them.

So anyhow, this was great to share. I would love to hear more feedback from the people. So wassup?:)

My night of Academy Awards

I'm sitting in Starbucks this evening while hundreds of thousands of people around the world tune into the Academy Awards, all watching as a few select people accept nominations for best actor/actress etc. In Starbucks, while this goes on somewhere in Hollywood, across from me is a drunk man, a Native American. He is loudly talking about how he has had his land stolen from him from the government and his girlfriend is in jail. He is full of dysfunction and is talking to himself. This is when I realize that there really is something wrong with this world.  The set design alone at the Oscars cost millions and millions of dollars. This is the dysfunction of our society.

Evil is real, we do have to protect ourselves and stay strong, stay centered, stay alert and be aware of what is going on so we don't get duped. Protect our energy.

Down with those who doubt

What is a girl like me, 29-years-old and alone, doing blogging on a Friday night?
This is my life.There is not much to say to describe the kind of lifestyle I am currently living.

I was talking to my friend Steve tonight and he asked me what kind of work I am thinking of doing now that I am back in Vancouver. I thought about it for a moment and replied honestly, "whatever God wants me to do". This was an honest answer as I knew Steve would understand. We both grew up in a similar way and after knowing one another for the past 18 years I knew my honesty wouldn't phase him.

We came from a similar upbringing. Middle class suburbia except we were both a little on the lower class side as far as an assessment of our families financial bracket. Both of our parents wanted us to have a decent life, so although they struggled, we lived in a decent area. There was a lot of drama growing up all around and Steve and I both being the oldest children in our families, we found similar ways to cope. These days kids have all kinds of coping mechanisms but for us there was only one or two choices: death or drugs. Both seemed appealing but at the tough age of 14-15 drugs were readily available so we opted for that and for 5 bucks, you could easily get a joint which would wash away many sorrows for one evening. Steve and I both seemed to have the brunt of things as far as the family problems were concerned and when your parents are going through all kinds of marital problems, it seems that the oldest children can become somewhat of a therapist rather than a child. Anyhow, I am surprised I got through it all and came out sane (somewhat). Steve reminded me of how everytime he would see me I would be high on some kind of hallucinogenic. He didn't like them as much as me because he said, he liked to be in control of his drugs. That was precisely why I chose hallucinogens, because I went to another world entirely. I was also kind of a hippie in my own way, closing the door and listening to my Led Zepplin and Pink Floyd records for hours while staring at the ceiling and imaging (or seeing) myself floating through space. Steve on the other hand went down a darker door and got into the hard drugs which generally become more addictive. 15 years later, he is finally weaning himself off. I got lucky and quit drugs and alcohol around the age of 23 or 24.

But the thing that Steve and I both have in common is that we both came out believing in God.
For Steve, it took the loss of his wife and for me it took the loss of everything stable in my life (including loved ones, home, partnership etc.). Thank you Saturn. I say this because both Steve and I are close to the age of 30 and Saturn's return is a powerful time when the old gets washed out for the new.

The thing that really strikes me about Steve is though he has very little, he always trusts and never worries that God will provide. He doesn't have a college degree, or lots of money, or a car, or a full time job or very many "social skills" but he just trusts that God provides. And he does.

Today Steve asked me what I was planning to do next. And I told him. I told him because I knew he wouldn't call me crazy or judge me. Instead he plainly asked me, "how can I help". This was something that was very comforting to hear because so much when leading a God centered life, there is room for judgement from someone looking in. Things don't always seem "practical" to say the least.
"What do you mean your planning to go to India and to work for a school that is not for profit". A lot of God's ideas sometimes really seem out of the blue but never have I found them to stray me wrong. The other day I got a flash of insight so clear for an action I should take. That makes no sense whatsoever I told myself. I'm not going to do that, I just can't. Plus, I wanted to wait it out and see if anything would happen if I didn't follow it. I wanted to test my intuition. It was spot on. Approx 10 minutes after the intuition came, a phone call came in leaving me wishing I had taken that action immediately. Oh well. Instead of being hard on myself, I take it to mean that I was learning how to hear my intuition and cut past the bs of my mind. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference right?

So why am I at home on a Friday night instead of out with my brother at the party downtown? Because I am partied out. I partied for years and it left me in a place where I am more than content to read a spiritual book on a Friday night and stay in. I have put in my time on the playing field and now I am content to settle in more so of just enjoying what my soul enjoys. Simple pleasures. It doesn't mean I don't have fun. I do. I just have fun in a new way that is more true to who I am. I don't give a shit anymore what looks cool to others, if it feels right inside, that's what I choose to follow now. And slowly by slowly, I am coping with life in new and braver ways. It's a lot of fun to accept and deal with life than to try and hide from it. Actually it's amazing. Because no matter what comes I know I can handle and all this was possible because I went to hell and back and now I am standing.

So if you doubt, or are going through hell I tell you this. You will come out. I did, anyone can. And I am a lot happier for it. Because all of it made me who I am.

Om Peace Amen

For those of us who doubt

I did not think that I doubted. I did not understand that doubting meant that I didn't believe that every moment of everyday, he is with me. He is with me right now.

All the moments that I prayed and heard no response, my doubts blocked the answers from coming. When I felt sad because I was lonely, I was doubting that God was there comforting me.
I mean he was there all along, is there, has been there all along. I love him.


For those of us who doubt I must share my experience.


I was in Encinitas for a couple days after New Years. I went down to recharge.
Sometimes, I just get the call to go down there and be alone. It’s been one of the many perks of living here in LA.

It was the day after New Year's and I went down to recharge and then a day later I was packed and ready to head back to LA.  It was a gorgeous day in Encinitas and I was biking down to the train station ready to leave, when the call came in.
“Why don’t you stay one more day," this small voice inside, said.
I was 2 minutes from the train, all my stuff packed with me.
The voice came again: “You can read, write, meditate on the beach and get clear about this New Year”.  My voice then replied to this little voice, “but I don’t have the time to laze around on the beach, I have work to do. And I only budgeted for two days and I have no place to stay. Plus, I WANT to get home and work”!
The voice stopped.
Ok, I thought, how about we go to the beach for 15 minutes before the train leaves and then we can read and meditate. So I went over to the beach, which was across from the train and I read a few pages from Swami Kriyananda’s book on community and I wrote down a few thoughts.
Then, feeling complete, I rode my bike back over to the train.

I bought my ticket for the Amtrak with my last 30 bucks and went down to the waiting area.
I was waiting there feeling really blissful like a child, just this lightness. Joy. Just from being.
The loudspeaker suddenly anounces, “train will be 30 minutes late”. I laugh to myself. Ok, no problem, I can handle this, I'm cool and calm, even minded. Oh, I think to myself, that must have been why Master was telling me to take my time so I could have been sitting at the beach relaxing right now.

More time passes and the train finally shows up. I have my bike and I’m all ready to get on.
The train conductor stops me.
“Do you have a reservation for that bike”? She asks.
I didn’t even know you had to make a reservation. I tell her.
“Well I’m sorry, you can’t get on tis train without a reservation”.
"Well I just spent close to an hour waiting here for this train and in fact, I was even early." I'm starting  to get a little irritated. I'm getting on this damn train. I protest. She protests back. "You can get on this train," she tells me, "but you're bike gonna have to stay"!
The doors close and the train starts to leave. What can I do? I curse.
I’m pretty out of my center. I storm up to the desk and tell the ticket officer what happened. No one told me and on and on I go.

Here’s the thing, it’s like 1pm on Friday and I want to get back to LA before traffic and the dark kicks in. I have learnt my lesson and do not go out after dark alone in Los Angeles anymore. Ok. I calm down and realize that I totally lost my **** and I re-group. Ok no problem.

I will take the 3:26 from oceanside, it’s just a short bus away. I can now go lay on the beach for a couple hours until the next train and enjoy myself. Again, I go back to the ocean.
I continue to ignore a small voice in my head saying stay, stay in Encinitas.

I rationalize that’s it’s my evasive nature trying to continue a vacation when it’s really time to get back to work. So I’m laying on the beach for a couple more hours. I love it. I eat my lunch, I meditate, I run a bit. I watch little girls play in the sand together while  their father teaches them to surf. It’s sunny, I’m tanned, I’m happy. The time comes to go back to the train station and this time to get a ticket to Oceanside and then take another train to reach LA late but not that late.

I get on the train to Oceanside on time. Things feel good but I start to get this feeling I’m supposed to stay. It’s really strong. I feel a little queasy. Like I'm ignoring something.
But, here’s the thing, where am I going to stay I ask myself? I have nowhere to go and I’m practically out of money. MY mind is in the way. I can't even hear. The feeling doesn’t stop. The next train stop is Encinitas, back to exactly where I was this morning after hours of these crazy delays.
My phone rings, it’s a text from Magali, a friend from SRF.
“Enjoy the celebrations for Guruji's birthday this weekend”, she says.
My heart sinks. I had completely forgotten that this weekend was Yogananda's birthday weekend and here I am leaving the heart of Yogananda’s work in Encinitas. For what? To go work at home...
The train doors are wide open, and they seem to stay that way for a long time. And my mind clearly forms this thought: "Sorry God, not this time. I have to get home”.  Last call for Encinitas the conductor calls out. I sit still and the doors close.

I continue on my way. I have about six minutes until the next train arrives in Oceanside to catch my train to LA. I get off at the stop and run as fast as I can to the other side of the tracks just as my train pulls away.
"You've got be kidding me"!
I ask a girl who is waiting there “Was that the train to LA?”
Yes she tells me but the next train and last one for the night will be coming in approx 15 minutes.
I relax. I am determined.

I ignored all signs and signals.
So I waited and waited and waited. It was like half an hour and the train wasn’t coming.
The conductor comes out and announces: “there will be a 1 to 3 hour delay for the last train, and we don’t know it's current status”. This is just messed up. I look around as if I'm in some kind of twilight zone. Wow, there is something weird going on and all these other weird people are in the same situation as me. What did they do?
I wasn’t giving up.
I call Amtrak and then Metrolink, I find out details, the connections that could be made. You name it. Every person in the station is now asking me about the options for LA.
I was getting to LA, tonight!

I'm sitting on the curb. Totally confused as to what to do next. Do I go home to LA and arrive around 10pm-midnight at this point. Do I try and find a place to stay in Encinitas before dark. The sun is very close to setting at this point. My phone is close to dying at this point and I have to make a move from this curb I'm on. I decide to call Magali, my friend in Encinitas and tell her my situation.
“ I will come pick you up and then you can come to the 6 hour meditation tomorrow for Guruji’s birthday. It's meant to be Clarity, don't you see Guruji is keeping you here. Isn't it great”!

I hang up. Not literally on her, but I need a moment to think. Right then, a girl, a total stranger comes up to me and offers me a ride right to my house in LA in her car ??? At the same moment, the train conductor announces the Amtrak will get us all on a chartered train free of charge directly to LA. All this after 2 hours of waiting. I pause for a moment and know right away the right thing to do. I thank the girl and tell her no thanks, that I'm going back to Encinitas. I let the Amtrak offer go by. I get on the next train back to Encinitas. Master wanted me at that meditation. I didn't know why, but I knew that at least.

A little later sitting with Magali in Encinitas waiting for our Pho to come, how was I feeling?
At this point, totally resigned, totally confused, sort of dense like thick, surrendered and completely powerless. I also felt completely calm. This was the right thing and I was surrendering, which is apparently not a strong suit.
Wow, how could I have been so closed off? It was so obvious yet I had had so much resistance. Why? Why because I had other ideas, other plans and I couldn't trust I would be taken care of. I also couldn’t decipher whether my mind was speaking to me or my intuition. Was I really supposed to stay. But why? Why was I supposed to be down here and not up in LA with my Ananda family. I missed them and was really looking forward to getting back. It made NO LOGICAL SENSE to be here.

Later that night a friend of Magali's  offered me a place to stay for two nights at $15/night.

Magali was there at 7am the next morning to pick me up. I hadn't had any breakfast because I didn't have anything at the place. Magali had warm tea, prasad, and some protein drinks for us to start the day. I failed to mention I had next to no food money and was even shorter that day having spent most of my remaining money on the train ticket that I had never even gotten to use. I was counting on being back in LA to get some work done to allow for my bank acccount to fill up again. So that morning we headed through the beautiful mountains of San Bernardo towards Escondido where the meditation was being held.

Inwardly I was feeling much more peaceful and ready to see what was in store. My body was calm and soothed from the light breakfast and I had run a bit at sunrise and energized so I was ready to meditate by the time we arrived. Right away it was a challenge, I got one bad look from some old lady while I was energizing and it started the internal struggle. Who the hell was this old lady eyeing me down when I’m just trying to energize, damn old lady, what’s her problem anyways. Oopps, there it was again, the peace, slowly going out. Practice forgiveness, forgive her, you don’t know where she’s been or what’s happened in her life. Pray for her, that she gets help in this meditation and healing in her heart. Ok, I’m ok again. I’m focused.

We get into the chapel and I chose my spot. You know SRF, they place the chairs really close together, and I’m the kind of a person who likes my space. Also I like sitting in lotus or half lotus to meditate. But it’s cozy in here, I can do it.

The head monk, Dharmananda I think his name is, starts to lead us with some practical advice. Man, this guy, he is full of rules, so goes my mind. He is really killin it for me right now with all these rules. I like to do my kriyas loudly and he is basically banning it. Ok Clarity, come on now, he is a channel for Master and a spiritual advisor, here to help. Ok I start to really tune in and he is an incredibly deep soul and his spiritual guidance really helps. His chanting is beautiful, it brings me deep quick. I love to chant!

The hours start to go by. I move, adjust, try not to breathe too loud, try earplugs, then take them out, open my eyes, close them, bump my neighbor, feel like everyone is judging me. Time passes, I smile, I look at the glimmering christmas balls hanging above the christmas tree, I practice watching my breath and on and on the 6 hours go.  There is a break after 3 hours and I am interiorized, feeling deep in bliss and this overwhelming feeling comes. I can’t be around any of these people, there is so much that is being brought up so quickly in my being I can hardly stand myself let alone to be with so many others in this little room. This energy, their energy is too much for me and I have 3 more hours to sit beside them. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I'm panicking. My consciousness is flying as I realize how deep I'm in.

I go outside for the short intermission and I walk a bit. I eat an orange and a banana essentially taken from the fruit offering bowl. People are starting to filter back inside already for the next half of the meditation. I take a deep breath. I feel as if I want to hide, to disappear. Why am I always going through shit?
As I am walking back in, I notice a tiny little room with a small altar, it looks like a kids room.
I can set up in there, I think to myself and then I can be away from eveyone and deal with this stuff that is coming up. It seems perfect.
But suddenly this clear feeling comes to me in a flash of blazing light.

Why change your circumstance to make things better? 

Why not just stay where you are and make do with what you have and where you are?

I get this feeling of lightness, like I’m a spiritual giant and my whole body feels up with energy. I don't have to move and adjust or change my circumstance. I can just accept what is and stay still.
This feels like such a simple answer. The way of least resistance.

I am one of the last person's back into the meditation chapel, but I enter as they are chanting. I am in acceptance that I will be close to all of these people. I will make do with my situation.
As I walk over to my meditation spot, I noticed it has moved. Magali has made a place for me in the corner by the window, a man has left and it has cleared up extra room. She has placed a small glass jar of warm water on a beautiful shawl on my place. Master has made me a spot to meditate.

Tears start to pour down my face as we chant Krishna’s name, over and over. I can’t stop crying and I know in these tears that Master in this 6 hour meditation is healing me of something I didn’t even know I needed healing from. Master has me in his arms and is guiding every inch of my life.

The rest of my trip flowed in the same manner. I had all the food I needed, friends piling my hands full of fruit from Hidden Valley, freshly made lunches by devotees, gifts and offerings of love.
I had a government tax check come in and direct deposit to my account. It was the exact amount I needed to be able to pay for my stay and take the train ride home. The ride home to LA was smooth and blissful and everything lined up like clockwork. I even did my kriyas at the train station not caring whether I got on it or not.

This is special and sacred. I love because I love, not because anything or anyone causing the love. I love because I am love, and he is love and I am love and love pours through me and it is everywhere. There is so much ugliness and darkness around, but why look at it?
Why look at the dirt when we can look up at the sun.
I mean, the dirt is beautiful to but you know what I mean. So much awakening since around Christmas time. The Christ consciousness is permeating the ether, the planet.

For those of us who doubt. Know that you are protected and cared for. You are loved!
Even when you feel the most alone, especially in these moments when your best friends forsake you, when you are broke: he is with you. When you are a success, he is beside you. Don't ever worry because even a little of this inward practice of meditation will free you from dire fears and colossal suffering.


Lahiri Mahasaya Jai Guru Jai.

Jai Guru Master, Happy Birthday!