Planetary shift in consciousness

I just looked back through my entire identity on my Facebook photo albums. Seeing myself, I’m amazed. So many years, I felt unhappy, ugly, unworthy, poor, sad, unaccomplished. Looking at my photos I see a beautiful girl who has so much spirit, talent, potential, gifts, abundance. Why couldn’t you see that when you were there?  

I am starting to understand my name more clearly lately, why I was named Clarity. It describes me, my strength and my weakness. I am super clear, so clear that sometimes I absorb whatever or whoever is around me. It has left me feeling very lost much of my life and in a constant state of searching and unhappiness. I want to know who I am. I want to be solid in me, in ultimately God. I feel I am going through a period of extreme sped up growth right now and I think it is me and everybody else. The planet is shifting, the entire universe is shifting and oh boy, I am feeling it.

I really want to hide under my covers right now. I am growing so fast, letting go of so many old aspects of myself all at once, it is very uncomfortable, very raw. I realized last night how lonely I have been these past few months. When I am alone, I feel very alone, not like it’s me and God but it’s just me. And when I am with people, I am not alone, but when they leave, then I am all alone again. I feel like I really am being pushed to come to a place where I never feel alone, with or without someone around to go to. How helpful can I be to people if I can’t stand solid in my own shoes. If I am thrown off center by every idiot that walks in the room, what does that make me? An idiot.

Even writing on this blog lately feels awkward and uncomfortable because what I am experiencing internally really is such a deep process, it seems even beyond words. What I feel like is transformation. I am becoming something new. I am in my cocoon and it’s painful to come out right now and be exposed to the light of day.

I was told that the closer I move to the light, the stronger the darkness becomes. I am moving towards the light. There are aspects of myself opening up that I never dreamed imaginable, like getting up at 5:30am for example to meditate and do yoga. That’s a big one. .

Fear is the only thing paralyzing my actions, me is the biggest obstacle in my success. Holy shit! Me is my biggest obstacle to my success, that’s crazy.

Part of me knows that I will become the person I have always known myself to be, but I never ever could have imagined the battle it takes to become Clarity. I am missing certain aspects of my old life right now, but I know it’s all within my mind. Where I am at is beautiful and it’s all perfect. Maybe I just need a nap.