You tell me

There is so much beauty sometimes it is hard to see what it is.
I painted a picture the other day, I gave it to my girlfriend.
I had no idea what it was, it just felt good to paint.
When I gave it to her, she saw it. And then so did it.
It was a beautiful bird, with flowers and a pink and yellow sunset in back.
I gave it away because I couldn't see what it was, I couldn't define it so it didn't mean a whole lot to me. So I was un-attached.

I have been considering stopping writing this blog. Why? Because I have nothing left to complain about.
Ha!
Things are actually going well. It's amazing. I am changing, something is finally changing and all I am doing is relaxing. Not really outwardly, because I've been super busy with Laurelwood and classes now, but more inwardly. It's as if all these years of hard work and focus towards healing, are suddenly kicking in. Why? Because I'm not pushing anymore, I'm not trying to heal, I'm finally starting to relax and just be. I'm feeling.
It's like it really takes time to get relaxed for me especially.

It will be almost one year now that I have been at Laurelwood. It's taken me that long and I'm sure it will still require more time, but I'm opening. I'm open. I discovered that it takes me longer and gentler ways to allow myself to open up. All that traveling and medicines were fast, oh so fast and it was exactly what I needed to begin to discover who I am. Now I know what does and doesn't work. It's hard now to ignore when I hear the inward call. I know what I need to do and when I'm being called. Before it was hard to feel the light, now it's learning to keep the light inside and not give it away. You would be surprised. It's either we are feeling pain, or feeling joy and either way we want to get rid of it. We want to give our love to someone, we want to find someone in a grumpy mood, and we want to give away our joy. Who's choice is it? Who's choice was it to walk into that room right at the moment that your sister was pissed off or grumpy? It's our choice. I like these tests a lot better because at least I'm dealing with joy now, rather than pain. It's a good life, but it's still maya. So what am I going to find to blog about now that I am finally happy? Any ideas
:)