India

How could I possibly ever be mean to another being? It is like directly doing harm to myself. I am becoming highly apathetic although I feel like I may have always been like this. I hid myself from the world for so many years, hid from myself, afraid of being rejected. Not hard to imaginehaving grown up in Catholic school, heck, any school. This westernized educational system pretty much stamps out societal clones.

So many aspects of who I used to be are starting to re-imerge. The young Charity I was when I was a little girl is coming back to life. I can't avoid life anymore, it is unmistakably right there in front of me. I am starting to see that the more I can take responsibility for my life as my life, the more amazing it is becoming. How can I be successful if my life is constantly at the wisp and whim of everyone else.

These days it is so uncomfortable to be anything but truth and light. Being a channel is the most remarkable experience and it is taking over my life fully. Some interresting prospects have come up in the last couple weeks including an opportunity to go to India. It seems absurd and totally not something I had planned or even had in mind. But at the same time, it feels so completely right and natural. My mind has struggled the past week or so with the thought because where will the money come? How will it all work? But I know and I trust that if his will is for me to go, all doors are open.

It's about re-learning how to be in this world now, starting fresh. I have an opportunity to let go of the old unworkable patterns and fully and truly become who I want to be. I am not controlled or forced live a life that just follows some cookie cutter or pre-destined path. I have the freedom to let go of who I was raised to be and just say "I am me". It involves un-learning all the times I was taught that it wasn't ok to be me. That I needed to be something better, diffrent or more. I am and have always been perfect. Perfectly me. I am free in that. God and me have a lot of talking to do but for now, I better turn the light out. I love you and I love feeling good inside myself.
I am safe, I am sound, in God's light, in love always.