Daiva says that God can be my partner. He tells me to forget the idea that I am beautiful and that I can attract anything I want to myself. He challenges me to forget the idea of the perfect relationship. He is asking me to explore myself on a deeper level than I could of ever imagined possible for myself. He asks me to open to the idea of finding complete motivation and joy inwardly and to let go of all the exterior motivations I have always turned to. What reason is there to get out of bed in the morning if not for career, relationship or money, I ask myself? What is left? Just me.
Last night I finally had to admit to myself that I'm not ready for a relationship. If I want to be in a partnership that is whole and complete, I have to be that myself first. It makes perfect sense that to expect someone who is whole, is only possible, if I first am whole.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me but I came across your blog and read some of your entries. I recently discovered Ananda and also live in Portland. I have attended church a couple of times and really feel connected with the message and the teachings. It seems to have so many of my same values. I haven't quite connected with the people there quite though, I find myself feeling quite overwhelmed with everyone's kindness and stories. I haven't been to church since I was a little girl and this is all very new to me again. I really just want to attend for myself, there are things that I want to work on and am not yet ready to commit to the church or anyone there. But part of me sees the people in the community and I just so strongly admire what they have in their hearts. This whole comment might come off as completely random, but I just wanted to say that your entries of your feelings before you went to the community are very much like mine. I have practiced iyengar yoga on and off the last two years and during the time that I was practicing was the only time I have been able to feel a spiritual presence consistently in my life. I would love to feel it again. Anyway, I just wanted to say that your journey is so amazing, and I am very happy that you have found such peace :)