moving on

I am moving on
Moving on from people who want to complain about my spiritual music
I am moving on from people who want to complain about how things are always going wrong for them
I am moving on from judging other's in this moment because it always makes me judge myself, makes me feel judged.
I am moving on from feeling victimized from the unkind words and actions of others
I am choosing the high road. I am choosing happines, success and joy over being right in my own mind
that this world is unfair and some people are just really fucked up.
It's really interresting walking around in my own home feeling like my heart is closed,
like I need to be protected.
I feel like I am really acting like a victim now
Its time to reclaim myself
Why, why do I allow myself to continously fall into this trap with her.
Is it her, or is she just another excuse for me to continue this pattern of behavior.
I spent an entire weekend playing over in my head how unfairly I was treated.
I don't want to name names or point fingers, but I definitely felt attacked.
But who suffered? Her or I.
How many hours could I have spent focusing on positivity and giving back to myself
rather than feeling how hurt I had gotten.
Forgiving allows me to break free from the toxic cycle.
Not reacting when people say things unconsciously to be mean. Not reacting when people
say things, just say things that I perceive to be hurtful. Just listening and acting from a place of being in myself. Everytime I am reacting I am not myself, I am literally unconscious and I am in reaction mode.
I  supposedly told her to shut the hell up and slammed the door but I don't even remember that?
I know I got upset because I was hurt.
When I get upset by something, do I automatically go unconscious.
Man, I really don't want to share this. It feels so personal and frightening.
Please don't judge me ok.