Less than six months ago, I was living on a beautiful mountainside in the Philippines, right on the ocean. Now, here I am, running indoors on a treadmill facing a concrete wall on a grey, Wednesday afternoon in January. To say the least, I have been having a really hard time these past few days. Photos, documents, clothes from my life in the Philippines, all needed to be sorted through yesterday. I can feel a tightness in my throat right now. I received an e-mail from while in the change room getting ready. It was something I was not prepared to hear. After only one day of feeling ok about my life here, things were not going well. My jogging on the treadmill, after that e-mail must have seemed borderline obsessive. I imagined I must have appeared like some weight obsessed teenage girl desperately trying to shed some pounds. I thought if I ran hard, I could just run away.
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| Me looking into infinity, El Nido, Philippines |
Last night I had a dream I was looking for my apartment and I couldn't remember where it was amongst thousands of them, all lined up and looking exactly the same. I had two bags I had to deliver there and while looking for the right door, I put the bags down and then couldn't remember where. When I finally found the apartment, I remembered I had placed the key on the bag. It was a disaster and I kept waking up, feeling really uneasy.
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