I'm feeling very inward today. Ate some eggs to help ground myself.
I woke up feeling like I needed to get right back to the chapel. It's interresting how I see myself scared to miss out on anything. What about just being here now?
I know how you are feeling about the loneliness. I was experiencing the same. I really had to pray deeply about it yesterday.
The 8 hr was a very calm and deep experience for me.
I was ready and really wanting to go deep into God, just leave the world behind for a whole day.
I was blessed to be able to remain seated and feel fine.There were many people there for the 4hr but very few for the entire stretch.I have been really afraid to just be with myself, for the feeling of loneliness,like everyone else has someone but I am extra alone. Something like that.
But the truth is, we are all born alone and we all walk alone with God our entire life no matter what it looks like on the outside.We all face the same trials, challenges, loneliness.
But like your sister Janis said to me, you can't draw with just light, or you won't see anything, there must also be a shadow.And we do have a shadow. I am starting to realize I need to accept and face the fact that I have a shadow side, I can't ignore or deny it, we all do.
Master (Yogananda) blessed me with seeing a brief perception of how small this existence is in such a grand scheme of the entire cosmos, space, magnitude of what life actually is.It allowed all the worry, fear, anxiety fade away quickly. There was always some sort of shadow there but the more we continue to keep our consciousness uplifted, the easier it is to stay centered, focused on the light.
God and the masters are always there continually pouring out their love and blessings
and when WE open ourselves to that, we can receive the blessing. The blessing is always there.
Surrender of control is the biggest and baddest lesson I went into. How much us seeking to control circumstances and life, how much that cuts the flow. Imagine us thinking that we know more than our own father/mother who created us and everything around us. He/she knows us more and deeper than we could know ourselves. There is something to letting her take control, it is close to enlightenment.
I experienced many beautiful visions of expansion that I cannot describe.
You and I both made decisions to exprience feelings of abandonment and loss to learn the many deep lessons of wholly trusting in God.
I felt for the first time that Jesus took away the pain in my heart that I have been carrying around. The pain of feeling alone.He blessed me by showing me that we are all truly walking alone with God but in that, we have never been more together. The point is that, every being is in the same boat and we must not compare ourselves to anyone. That is where the downfall comes.
We must do our best and never pass an opportunity to shine or to say or do what we know is right. No matter what our mind tells us we may look like.Even if our mind tells us we will look like a holy ass.
We must shine, that is our highest duty. It helps to uplift and raise the entire planet,
It's all about keeping the energy centered in the higher realms, between the eyes.
The tehcniques help us to bring it up.
I feel that we must continue to tune in and to follow our highest intuition and dharma.
I really struggled with some deep feelings of loneliness the last couple days. Maybe same days as you,
Usually when things become still. I saw how going to school really kept my mind busy and distracted me to remain here.
I feel that things will become clear in the New Year and what we should do.
As much as we love one another, when we let go, we truly open up to receive. Almost like grasping keeps our hands closed, and thus our reception.
I have been truly blessed to meet another soul with such depth and clarity. I think this is what I miss about us, sharing in that way.
Let us continue to uplift and inspire one another by playing this game to the best of our abilities. This life is a dream and imagine how you could play your life if you saw it that way.
I feel that whenever I get out there, with negative thinking or confusion or doubt, that is the time, to pull the energy back inwards and feel myself. Check in with myself, because that is where the truth lays. If you ever feel like enough is enough, that is ok too.
And I know whatever decision we make for our lives, will be a good one.
love always
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