The spiral

Last night my sister, Christina and I sat up until 3am talking. She just graduated highschool and she is going through her first major life crisis; trying to figure out what to do for a career.  She feels lost in making the decision of what to study and at which school but the real fear comes from making the wrong decision.

After getting down to the bones, the words "I'm just sick of being poor" came out of her. Her feeling was that her money situation was limiting her options and choices. I tried to explain to her that most kids don't have $40,000 sitting in their bank accounts nor do most of their parents and that money should never dictate her decision making. We ended up going outside and having a tobacco to pray together for some clarity and direction for these very important decisions that needed to be made.

As I was walked the dog earlier today, I reflected on last night's conversation. I thought about Tina's comment about being poor as taking to mean she was classifying my father as poor since he is her care giver. It's funny because since arriving in Vancouver, I have really been looking on my father as a wealthy man. My living the last eight months in a more remote part of the Philippines,  away from the luxuries Vancouver has to offer has obviously given me a new perspective on my old life. It makes me sad that my sister feels poor. I see the small but beautiful home she lives in, a fridge full of food, her own computer in her room and a closet full of nice new clothes. Not to mentions the beautiful abundant garden in the backyard full of green vegetables, a washer and dryer, bathtub with hot running water and to top it all off, electricity 24 hours a day. Wow.

The fact that society has convinced my intelligent and sharp minded sister that she is poor, is really a sad thing. To have all kinds of things and be in debt, is that really wealth.  I see that she is not the only one who has been brainwahsed into this kind of thinking. Sorry to get a little heavy here but I canot deny the things I am seeing. From my own experience, my awakening to this system happened shortly after leaving the city for an extended period. There was sufficient time for my body and mind to detox from the poison society had subtly injected into my body and mind. If our minds were not conditioned to buy and constantly seek happiness outside ourselves, we would start to turn inwards and discover how much power we actually have. Like I said before, I don't know whether to build a career or a bomb shelter.

I'm thinking a lot about how wonderful it would be to be living on our own family land and to wake up every morning and know that the day would be spent doing what you love, caring for your garden, your family and living a natural life. You can drink the water and know that it is clean and full of life and you can gather food from the garden you cared for.

I woke up yesterday morning wondering what I was doing back in Vancouver sleeping on my dad's couch. Especially since I have a beautiful oceanside home in Palawan and a partner that I am in love with. I couldn't help but feel hard on myself and a bit like I was going backwards. Why the hell am I here, right back in society again?

After meditating, I am feeling more centered and solid in myself. I am here pursuing a vision, my calling to complete a project I started two years ago. "The Quest", a documentary about my personal vision quest and the teachers who catapulted my life and the message to Earth at this time. I am feeling the guidance and pull to get it out there, now at this time. I get the sense that by sharing our personal stories and struggles, somehow we can inspire eachothers own journeys too. I'm intending to focus my energy on the upward spiraling energy and to keep from the downward pull of "poor me" and "I can't".

I want to say that right now I'm homeless but I have a roof over my head. I want to say that I'm peniless but my cosmic father owns everything and being his daughter, so do I. I want to say I'm all alone because my partner is back in the Philippines but I am surrounded with love and protection, visible and invisible.

Once again this crazy Gemini has been uprooted and allowed her heart to pull her to the other side of the world. I trust that as I take steps, the right thing will unfold for me, as it always does. My dad says it's an answer to prayers having me here right now to help my sister transition into her new school and life. I pray for her a lot and for the best thing to come about.

Now I am intending to manifest a video camera as it seems that my life has become a very interresting story