I would like to know

I would like to know...why is life so damn hard sometimes?
Why is it even harder when you're on a spiritual path?

You have to make choices based on the right thing to do, rather
than what YOU want.
Sometimes those decision, hurt, alot. Especially for others involved.

Being an artist, a woman, a spiritual being, it's tough sometimes.
Alot of my decision making and choices in life have seemed very irrational, even to me. I can't imagine how tough it has been on those around me, especially my partner. It's going to take a very understanding person to accept me.Maybe that's why I've spent so much of my time alone, isolating myself.
Being an artist, it takes a somewhat self focused or selfish attitude, as well as a large degree of solitude.

Being a 27-year-old woman with human hormones and lines of ancestry, naturally part of me leans towards wanting pregnancy, children, family, home and comfort. The other half, the artist is wild, uncharted and unactualized, pouring forth creativity and expression.

These are prime years in my life and it is time to make a conscious choice of where I will direct that energy, babies or projects. It sounds a little cold, but in a sense, it's the truth, as sad as I feel saying it. Maybe projects and then babies. Maybe projects and babies. If my partner can stick around me long enough and accept my eccentric and unpredictable ways. I wish I was diffrent, I wish I could be a little more solid. But as I was told by a medicine woman, I have to trust my healing journey and where it takes me. Do I want to live out the divine plan or my whims and wills?