Monday, May 30, 2011
Crystal Clarity
Warriors of the Rainbow
Like the radiant Indians of old who strengthened their muscles by hard exercise and then nourished their souls by fasting and prayer, so shall they make themselves heroes of the new age, conquering every difficulty with the strength of their bodies, the fire of their love, and the purity of their hearts. Filling their mouths with only pure foods and liquids, and seeking the beauty of the Master of life in every thought, they shall scorn harmful drinking and unclean habits that destroy and weaken men. They shall run to the hilltops to pray and fast and into the solitudes of the forest and desert to find strength.
Like the Indians of old who let their children run free in the prairies, the woods and the mountains to help them grow into men and women worthy of their Creator, so the warriors of the rainbow today shall work to bring all children the magic blessing of the wild, the delight of bare feet running through green grass over the hills, and the cool touch of the wind in their hair. The spiritual civilisation that is coming will create beauty by its very breath, turning the waters of rivers clear, building forests and parks where there are now deserts and slums, and bringing back the flowers to the hillsides. What a glorious fight to change the world to beauty.
Warriors of the Rainbow – William Willoya and Vinson Brown ©1962
Colonization
“Why doesn’t he have any teeth”, he asked her.
“I don’t know” she replied, too much white.
White flour, white sugar, white rice.”
“Did you know that when the Spanish missionaries landed in the Philippines, the locals were eating red rice?”
“No I didn’t know that, but that sounds right.”
“The missionaries thought they would save the poor natives from eating this red rice and introduced polished white rice”.
“Saints, real saints.”
“Why don’t they go back to eating the local red rice?”
“Because they prefer white. The red rice is left for the poor.”
Our Mother Gaia - Earth
This world is sick and I’m sick of this world. I don’t want to live in a society where I have to buy water.
Mother Earth, through natural disaster is vomiting out the sickness we have been pumping into her for the last decade. To build a nuclear power plant with no back up plan? Divine Mother, our earth mother forgive us for resting this toxic poison on your body. Our mother is speaking to us through her erratic earth and weather changes. We have chosen not to listen to her gentle spirit and the consequence is a society sick with diseases from its own hideous creations. Cities have turned into Frankenstein creations with no abort button. The tourist industry here on Palawan recently suffered a blow when 20 people died from a cholera outbreak in the capital city of Puerto Princessa. This event was due to the poor planning and/or caring about proper waste management. These cities have turned into cesspools of self created disease and poverty. When will we learn that when we give and work in harmony with our Earth mother, she will care and give back to us. Living in the city there is no chance of such a relationship, the only option is to be a consumer. Our goal as citizens of this earth should be to become contributors to this earth and to all life. I want to strive now to be a contributor rather than a consumer.
Loving myself
The older I get, the younger I become.
As I remove the thoughts and beliefs that society, my family and religion have imposed on me, I become more pure, more youthful, younger, more of ….me.
Sometimes I clean the outside when I should be cleaning the inside.
I clean the bathroom, the kitchen, the porch feeling that if I clean these things, somehow my mind will be cleaned. I am waiting for these changing tides to remove the old and bring in the clean, the pure me, the person I was born to be. So much sickness in this mind, in this ego, so much pain. I am looking for peace, I need peace to live, I cannot live like this anymore.
Jo and my 1 year anniversary is coming in 3 days. It will be the first relationship I have been in that has lasted a year consecutively without breaking up. Most of my relationships have tended to end around the 8-9 month mark. It seems that after I really get to know someone, I find I don’t like them. Maybe all of us are unlovable because we are so full of ego. Maybe we are all loveable because we have a soul, maybe it takes time to really get to know the ego and then more time to really get to know the soul. Jo is a beautiful person. I have been hating him the past couple days. I have my period and for some reason all I can see is all the things I hate about him. I think I needed my space because he has been gone for the day and it’s been great to have my own space. Maybe Jo can teach yoga a couple days a week at Miniloc and it will give me time to focus on my stuff.
Ahh independence, sweet freedom of music, writing, sleeping, breathing. Today is the first day I have removed pressure to “get things done” and funny enough once again I was able to get a ton of stuff done for once. It’s only 6:30pm and I have done a whole plethora of things today, including honouring my space, journaling, market shopping, cleaning house, organizing photos, preparing meals, swimming, sadhana, coddling the cats. All it takes is being present and removing deadlines and pressure. On myself and others.
just some random thoughts
Its amazing how much I get done when I consciously allow myself to relax. It’s the pressure, the guilt and the I shoulds that prevents me from moving forward.
My whole life since I was a little girl, I have felt this pressure to succeed, to do something big. Mostly it was an inward pressure, whether or not it came from being the oldest child in my family, having a perfectionist father or the fact that my brother and I were always competing, that feeling has always been there. Sometimes I absolutely hate it, because it paralyzes me to the point of not being able to do anything. Why do I have to become anything anyways, can`t I just be free and just be me for a living. What is this business of making a living anyways, why do we all struggle with it. Is it what keeps us here or is just part of this play that we must overcome and then we don`t have to make anything anymore. I have read by my Guru`s guru that as long as we breathe the free air of earth we must also work. I`m getting tired of being scared to act, scared to ask, scared to bust a move and make what I really want to happen for my life. It`s tiring to have this mind that feels limited, like it has been conditioned since childhood and I just want to crack it in half and empty out all that old stale yolk. Maybe I can get a new egg, or hatch one and this time nurture it and fill it with good healthy things. So much coming up emotionally these past few months, years. Oh man, it`s like an undoing of all the old crap and conditioning. The Mayan calendar supposedly doesn`t end on 2012 but the shift has already begun, a few years ago and will continue several years after 2012. All these predictions about the Mayan calendar and no one even bothered to ask the Mayans. Typical right. Anyways being alone in this big empty yoga retreat center on my own island is very daunting. How am I supposed to pull this off on my own. It almost makes me feel like I made a mistake coming here. Jo and I are in a fight and I`m not sure if it means we are supposed to separate or maybe just have some time apart, although we do live on our own island so there isn`t very far to go really. My life feels like a curse and a blessing sometimes, but I feel that life is actually very beautiful and very sad at the same time. When I hear music that is sad but beautiful it touches me the deepest. I have been reading my little sisters blog recently and it hits me in a deep place. It wants to make me a better person, it makes me want to cry and also comfort myself, console my self because I see how hard she is on herself and it just makes me feel like, we can be way to hard on ourselves. I have this dream to write for Yoga Journal or some other prestigious magazine and every blog I write I judge myself, your writing sucks, your designs suck, you aren`t good enough. I wonder sometimes where this strong and mean voice is coming from. Was it always there, did someone pass it on to me, how do I get rid of it. My altar at home, back in Vancouver is set as my computer desktop background, it consoles me in a strange way. I realized today I may still be holding onto my past relationship, it may be preventing me from full loving and embracing my relationship, now.
I don`t want to write anymore, I don`t want to take photos or make movies. I just want to be and enjoy it for myself. Maybe it’s time to call it quits, something isn’t`working, or maybe it`s just time for a break. I would say its time for a vacation but my whole life literally is a vacation. So maybe it`s just time to get to work and stop fooling around. Maybe I need a focus, vision, something just for me that I don’t give, share, lose, sell or prostitute. Something that is mine and only mine. An art show, some money, an investment, a website, something just for me.
Guide me Lord, I am your lost little kitten and I need picking up. I need guidance. Help.
Home sweet
I am living in the home of my dreams and I didn’t design it. It was already there, just sitting, just waiting for me to come home. I am paying $133 dollars rent a month and I have three bedrooms, ocean view, private beach and boat only access. Only in the Philippines. Want to ask me how I got here or do you want to come stay here, contact me. Solar power, rain catching filtration system for water, cold showers, lots of local fresh fruits and foods. Sometimes I like to look back at my journals or notes to see what I asked for, it’s amazing to see sometimes the accuracy in which I have asked for something. A beautiful new home, well it’s not new, but it is new to me and it looks like new, so I guess it is new. Beautiful is not the word to describe this place, more like stunning vistas. What I see though really is God answers prayers when I focus on him first, all the little desires are fulfilled. After a while the novelty of all things seems to wear off for me, but at the same time, I am learning to relax and enjoy God’s creation for he did make it for me to enjoy.
I am seeing how the Western structure of society creates poverty. Before it was introduced here, people spent there days gathering the food that God already put there. The trees, the gardens, all the food was already growing and all we humans needed to do was spend our days with our family gathering it. Now, a Filipino wife spends her days and nights at a local resort doing laundry for the week for wealthy resort owners, leaving her family so she can make a few pesos a day to help the family manage to buy hardly enough to eat. There is so much abundance in this world why is it that so many must go without Lord. 3 little kittens that are living next to me without their mother, they are still scrawny little things months later because their caretakers can only afford to feed them small amounts of rice daily. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime, give a man a fish and he will eat for the day. We need to speak to Flor and Ronnie and employ them with the cooking and cleaning duties here. All we need to do is account an extra P1000 a month and it will help a whole family out. If you have extra money, and you want to tithe to a really worthy cause, send it to me and I will give it to the many poor families here who are in need.
Rainy Season in Palawan
It has been raining all day.
Makes me tired
I wanted to leave today, to have some alone time
To get away from this island so Jo would miss me
Instead he is having a great day cuz he has me around
And he can do whatever he wants
He has been doing whatever he wants and I am
Just waiting for the day he will become serious about things
If I reverse that
I have been doing whatever I want and he is just waiting
For the day I will become serious about him
I doubt our being meant to be together
I think about my ex and running back to Vancouver
I think about freedom and how much more money
And success I could have if I was alone and just
Focused on myself
Maybe it’s a matter
Matter the matter is
Maybe what I am doin is focusing too much on him
And not enough on me
I need to be in my power and in my own place
No matter who comes around
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Possibly Maybe
Sitting alone in my room at 5:42PM on 4 hours sleep, my heart feels like it is over flowing with love.
The only thing I can think to do is write. My heart, is wide open.
I am happy. For the first time in my life since possibly maybe the age of four when I decided the world was not a safe place.
For a year or so, my brother and I took much training through the Landmark Education group. Mostly to build our communication skills and empower us to speak out in public situations. At the time I was very insecure, emotionally unstable and hated my job and felt like someone who had a long way to go to become something great.
At the sessions, I would look around at these beautiful, straight toothed Lululemon girls who were always smiling and the guys seemed to train behind them wherever they went. They all looked so happy and I wondered why they were even there? There lives seemed perfect but maybe work was paying for it, so they had to come.
One day, I thought, I will be happy too. One day I will feel beautiful, I will feel like a goddess and I will have a man that will look at me and know how lucky he is. I would be happy with the clothes that I had, I would be comfortable in my weight, or lack thereof, particularly in the chest region. I would have abundance and know that everything I wanted to do in life was possible. I wanted all these things, I wanted them so bad. So many nights alone, crying, calling out to God with a heart full of aches and yearning.
Last night Jo asked me, looking me straight in the eyes, "when are you happy?" But I continued to persuade him of all the things that had happened to me in the past to prevent my happiness. I caught myself justifying and I thought "when was I going to be happy if not now"? I am living in a tropical paradise with the man of my dreams and we are sitting on the patio smoking a joint and I am doing art. I am in love with God and I have some of the best teachers and friends on the planet. I am discovering my healing abilities and I am spreading light and love to those around me, I want to help and share.
I am happy now.
I am happy NOW.
I am happy RIGHT NOW.
I just kept repeating it aloud over and over until it actually started to feel like I meant it. Finally, the words were not words anymore, they were the direct result of me actually being happy.
My heart is overflowing. Art poured through my finger tips last night as I explored letting go and enjoying the natural flow that life is when releasing attachment to results.
My untrained hand glided smoothly over the blank page as I channeled my meditative focus into a beautiful flow of movement and color. Bright pastels changed in my hand creating graceful, flowing lines.
A beautiful and long necked swan was discovered.
I am He. I am He. Jo kept reminding me. Blessed Spirit I am He.
It's not good enough I thought when it was done.
Jo looked at me completely in amazement, "what don't you like about it?"
"I dunno, I could have done this better, and that, that definitely could have been more defined."
"It's perfect. It's beautiful, exactly the way it is", he said as he encouraged me to study my creation and appreciate the pure beauty that had manifested itself.
I said aloud without consciously thinking about what I was about to say: "If I can accept this painting, I can accept myself."
Everything faded out and I focused on the art. So beautiful, so much depth and realness. All my years of meditation and the beauty of my spirit had somehow been brought out onto this page, into this piece of art.
"There are no rules in art," Jo reminded me as I asked him how to properly use the pastels I was so delicately clutching. There are no rules in art and there are no rules in life.
I want to die in love, I want to die of an overflowing heart. I want to kick my legs into the air and dance under the stars every night, not just last night or the one before. I want to get high on God every moment of every day. I want to feel no separation ever again, not this lifetime and certainly never a next. I want sadhana to be now, to be then and to be later on. I want to meditate with my eyes open when I am feeding a child from my own spoon with soup made through my hands.
The spirits came to me, my helpers, my angels and guides. They want to come back into my life, but I have to stop being afraid. I have to go into that fear and embrace whatever I may find there.
I won't tell you where I am going, but for the next four days I am going away. I am stepping into spirit and I will purify myself, I will do it for others willingly because if it's for myself, it's too easy to give up.
I AM HAPPY. It's almost like a feeling I can't describe because it has been so foreign for so many years.
The only thing I can think to do is write. My heart, is wide open.
I am happy. For the first time in my life since possibly maybe the age of four when I decided the world was not a safe place.
For a year or so, my brother and I took much training through the Landmark Education group. Mostly to build our communication skills and empower us to speak out in public situations. At the time I was very insecure, emotionally unstable and hated my job and felt like someone who had a long way to go to become something great.
At the sessions, I would look around at these beautiful, straight toothed Lululemon girls who were always smiling and the guys seemed to train behind them wherever they went. They all looked so happy and I wondered why they were even there? There lives seemed perfect but maybe work was paying for it, so they had to come.
One day, I thought, I will be happy too. One day I will feel beautiful, I will feel like a goddess and I will have a man that will look at me and know how lucky he is. I would be happy with the clothes that I had, I would be comfortable in my weight, or lack thereof, particularly in the chest region. I would have abundance and know that everything I wanted to do in life was possible. I wanted all these things, I wanted them so bad. So many nights alone, crying, calling out to God with a heart full of aches and yearning.
Last night Jo asked me, looking me straight in the eyes, "when are you happy?" But I continued to persuade him of all the things that had happened to me in the past to prevent my happiness. I caught myself justifying and I thought "when was I going to be happy if not now"? I am living in a tropical paradise with the man of my dreams and we are sitting on the patio smoking a joint and I am doing art. I am in love with God and I have some of the best teachers and friends on the planet. I am discovering my healing abilities and I am spreading light and love to those around me, I want to help and share.
I am happy now.
I am happy NOW.
I am happy RIGHT NOW.
I just kept repeating it aloud over and over until it actually started to feel like I meant it. Finally, the words were not words anymore, they were the direct result of me actually being happy.
My heart is overflowing. Art poured through my finger tips last night as I explored letting go and enjoying the natural flow that life is when releasing attachment to results.
My untrained hand glided smoothly over the blank page as I channeled my meditative focus into a beautiful flow of movement and color. Bright pastels changed in my hand creating graceful, flowing lines.
A beautiful and long necked swan was discovered.
I am He. I am He. Jo kept reminding me. Blessed Spirit I am He.
It's not good enough I thought when it was done.
Jo looked at me completely in amazement, "what don't you like about it?"
"I dunno, I could have done this better, and that, that definitely could have been more defined."
"It's perfect. It's beautiful, exactly the way it is", he said as he encouraged me to study my creation and appreciate the pure beauty that had manifested itself.
I said aloud without consciously thinking about what I was about to say: "If I can accept this painting, I can accept myself."
Everything faded out and I focused on the art. So beautiful, so much depth and realness. All my years of meditation and the beauty of my spirit had somehow been brought out onto this page, into this piece of art.
"There are no rules in art," Jo reminded me as I asked him how to properly use the pastels I was so delicately clutching. There are no rules in art and there are no rules in life.
I want to die in love, I want to die of an overflowing heart. I want to kick my legs into the air and dance under the stars every night, not just last night or the one before. I want to get high on God every moment of every day. I want to feel no separation ever again, not this lifetime and certainly never a next. I want sadhana to be now, to be then and to be later on. I want to meditate with my eyes open when I am feeding a child from my own spoon with soup made through my hands.
The spirits came to me, my helpers, my angels and guides. They want to come back into my life, but I have to stop being afraid. I have to go into that fear and embrace whatever I may find there.
I won't tell you where I am going, but for the next four days I am going away. I am stepping into spirit and I will purify myself, I will do it for others willingly because if it's for myself, it's too easy to give up.
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| The duckling turns into a graceful swan |
The Shakti
Friday, May 6, 2011
Keep calling
I was taking my morning walk along the sea shore to go do some yoga. I stopped when I noticed a little baby chick sitting all alone of a small rock, surrounded by water. He wasn’t far from the shore, just half a meter or so. He was shivering as the waves rolled in over his little talons. It was a very sad and strange sight as I bent down closer to see what was wrong. The little guy was bobbing his head up and down like he was calling out to some invisible source. The chick had had its eyes pecked out and as I surveyed the beach, I noticed a big rooster who must have been the ass who did it. The poor little chick must have perched himself onto this little rock to protect himself from further attack. I felt so sad watching the chick and I just sat there wondering what to do. Should I push him in the water and help him to die quicker, alleviating the pain or should I lead him back to shore and try to reunite him with the mother hen.
There was something that hit me on a deep level watching that scene as he silently continued to bob his head up and down. I thought of myself, silently calling to my divine mother as I stumble blindly through the delusion of her Maya. I could feel that same suffering and hopelessness the chick must have felt on that rock, blind and surrounded by water, all alone.
Suddenly from behind me, a small Filipino woman approached and greeted me “good morning”. I smiled at her and immediately she saw the little chick. She was at his side in a split second and scooped him up, bringing him to her cheek, full of care. He didn’t fuss or try to get away, he sat silently in her hands and he seemed happy to be rescued. I watched as she quickly rushed off with him.
I felt a heaviness lift in my heart and realized from that scene there is hope. Divine mother has compassion for each and every child no matter how hopeless their situation may seem. One day she will come and scoop me up tenderly to take me to the safety of home.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
This is no ordinary love
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I fell in love this weekend... and I mean I fell hard.
Sitting on the beach with Johanne last night under the stars with the warm Philippine breeze blowing, we sat watching the dying embers of the fire. Built right on the beach just for us.
It was just a few minutes after taking two small puffs of hash which my uncle so professionally demonstrated to us how to smoke. It was already midnight and we aren't drinkers so we started to tire. We told uncle Vince we were tired and wanted to sleep for the night. The second we got outside, Jo and I looked into eachothers eyes we knew it was not time to sleep. I suggested we go to the beach to be alone and we walked hand in hand like God and Goddess.
As I stood there staring at him in the dark, it was as if I was looking at the person that I have always known, always dreamed of, my highest of the high, my beloved on earth. The only way I can describe it is that I knew in that moment that I was looking at my husband.
I kept the words in my mind as we sat side by side in meditation staring into the fire. Spines straight as arrows feeling the energy and the peace of the night. Our arms moving and dancing and our bodies swaying to the music of the inner dance. Dancing to the invisible music of our divine beloved. Jo started to look at me, surveying me up and down. I asked him why he was looking at me that way. He smiled and pointed out that I was wearing all white. White yoga pants, a white shirt with a rose on it and my necklace of amethyst crystals. It's like a wedding ceremony. He is also in a white shirt and shorts. Wow, I see it now, it's like we are being married before God and grandfather fire. Grandmother moon and sister stars and all of nature are there in that moment, uniting us and bonding us together.
Before the smoke with my uncle and aunt, the four of us were sitting beachfront enjoying a beautifully prepared dinner. The owner of the resort, Bing came and sat with us for awhile while she had her evening beer. She commented in tagalog, which Jo and my aunt speak, they translated for me. "These two should get married right away, they are starting to look alike. They can get married here, free, no charge."
I fell in love this weekend. It wasn't just with Jo, it was with life itself.
Raw vs Cooked Food - Eat to support your yoga practice
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| Me on a diet of 90% Raw 10% Cooked - happy and healthy |
The concept seemed foreign to me at the time, especially paying extra for 'organic' food when I could just buy normal produce for a lot cheaper. But as I started to integrate Organic and live foods, I started to see the effects on my body as well as the mental clarity that came over my mind (particularly helpful for beginners in yoga and meditation) and I was hooked.
I started eating a 100% raw diet very quickly and since I didn’t have all the fancy blenders, food processors and juicers, nor the knowledge, I simply ate raw food. Everyday, I ate 5-6 bananas, 3-4 apples, some kale leaves, a handful of nuts, a few dates, and whatever else I could find at the local Capers. I simply ate it the way God grew it. After a few weeks and months, my skin glowed, my body was firm and strong, my hair shiny and everyone who met me for the first time would comment how radiant I looked.
At the time I was living in a $1200 a month beachfront apartment in downtown Vancouver. My lifestyle was not as humble or basic as it could have been given the fact that I wasn’t making much money back then and most of my days were spent cold calling in efforts to generate funding for my spiritual films and working on my scripts.
My mind became so light and clear from the raw diet that I found most of my days spent wandering the seaside leisurely and in the produce section at Whole Foods. I was burning through fruits and veggies fast but somehow I seemed fuller than when I would eat purely cooked meals. My reasoning was that the nutrition and enzyme content was higher in live foods and thus I needed less to feel satisfied.
After some time I started to integrate juice fasting, another idea introduced to me from my boyfriend at the time. As my body became lighter, my mind naturally followed and I went much deeper into the realm of all things spiritual. My music changed, my dress changed and so did my friends or lack of at the time. Leaving the house to go out and socialize never even entered my mind and most people just stopped trying to call me because I rarely answered my phone.
At that time, the thought of making money seemed to me like a minor detail which would work itself out on it`s own. I was focused on `more important` things. I started to call in sick to my part time job as my level of joy was so high I thought that I could barely contain myself around my employer. I wasn`t even if sure at that time, if I could work.
My perception of the normal material world was shifting dramatically and I became extremely sensitive to vibration, especially that of those around me. To practice getting out of myself and my fear of absorbing others negativity I would take my daily stroll and practice smiling and sending love to everyone I passed on the street. People seemed incredibly receptive and the times that I forgot to smile, people would naturally smile at me anyways.
I started having experiences with a heightening of my intuitive abilities and sometimes I would hear the thoughts of others, particularly the people in the apartment above me.
Occasionally I would attend a local yoga class and my heart would open so wide couldn’t help but silently weep into my yoga mat. A few times walking home, I walked passed by several parked cars and immediately the alarms would sound. I couldn’t help but wonder if the bliss I had growing inside had somehow caused this electric reaction.
The vibration of the city closed in on me quickly and my little, open heart started to feel the heaviness. I was afraid if I went out of the house I wouldn’t be able to hold it together and after awhile, I just stayed in all the time.
I started eating a 100% raw diet very quickly and since I didn’t have all the fancy blenders, food processors and juicers, nor the knowledge, I simply ate raw food. Everyday, I ate 5-6 bananas, 3-4 apples, some kale leaves, a handful of nuts, a few dates, and whatever else I could find at the local Capers. I simply ate it the way God grew it. After a few weeks and months, my skin glowed, my body was firm and strong, my hair shiny and everyone who met me for the first time would comment how radiant I looked.
At the time I was living in a $1200 a month beachfront apartment in downtown Vancouver. My lifestyle was not as humble or basic as it could have been given the fact that I wasn’t making much money back then and most of my days were spent cold calling in efforts to generate funding for my spiritual films and working on my scripts.
My mind became so light and clear from the raw diet that I found most of my days spent wandering the seaside leisurely and in the produce section at Whole Foods. I was burning through fruits and veggies fast but somehow I seemed fuller than when I would eat purely cooked meals. My reasoning was that the nutrition and enzyme content was higher in live foods and thus I needed less to feel satisfied.
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| Yummy raw breakfast of fruits, avocado and dehydrated banana pancakes |
At that time, the thought of making money seemed to me like a minor detail which would work itself out on it`s own. I was focused on `more important` things. I started to call in sick to my part time job as my level of joy was so high I thought that I could barely contain myself around my employer. I wasn`t even if sure at that time, if I could work.
My perception of the normal material world was shifting dramatically and I became extremely sensitive to vibration, especially that of those around me. To practice getting out of myself and my fear of absorbing others negativity I would take my daily stroll and practice smiling and sending love to everyone I passed on the street. People seemed incredibly receptive and the times that I forgot to smile, people would naturally smile at me anyways.
I started having experiences with a heightening of my intuitive abilities and sometimes I would hear the thoughts of others, particularly the people in the apartment above me.
Occasionally I would attend a local yoga class and my heart would open so wide couldn’t help but silently weep into my yoga mat. A few times walking home, I walked passed by several parked cars and immediately the alarms would sound. I couldn’t help but wonder if the bliss I had growing inside had somehow caused this electric reaction.
The vibration of the city closed in on me quickly and my little, open heart started to feel the heaviness. I was afraid if I went out of the house I wouldn’t be able to hold it together and after awhile, I just stayed in all the time.
I have always been an extreme person and sometimes this has been the catalyst for much growth and healing in my life, in other cases, it has taken me down the hard road.
Material reality finally caught up to me and for the first time and I wasn’t able to pay my rent. My raw food boyfriend bailed and I was left on my own. My conclusion was that the raw food path was too light for me and too intense for a city living. Groundedness and worldliness seemed to be the key to success and I was far from either.
I was also frightened of the depth and speed that I was being pushed towards spiritual things and ultimately, God. I was not in tune with myself nor in a place to trust myself enough to let go and surrender. I concluded that this was not the right path for me, raw food was ``too extreme``.
I did not understand Jesus words, ``Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, and all these things shall be added unto you``.
I am at a different point in my path now after experimenting with many different ways to approach the spiritual life. I`ve done an all cooked diet, 'the-whatever-is-given-to-me-I’m-a-yogi-diet', 'the-I’m-too- poor-to-afford' food diet and most paths in between. Most recently the ``vegetarian`` Filipino diet, which consists of fish and whatever is available at the local market.
Finally after five years, live foods have once again resurfaced in my life after taking part in a healing retreat this past weekend. Bahai Kalipay, an incredibly integrated and conscious community of raw foodists and healers, right here in Palawan, Philippines.
Four days on raw food with a solid meditation, yoga practice and service (work) in the world. I felt like a bird in flight, just soaring.
When I arrived home from the retreat, I immediately made a pot of local red rice for some grounding and a large salad. When Jo and I were about to eat I noticed how the frequency of the pot of rice felt compared to that of the salad and my intuition immediately told me how I would feel from each. The rice was thick, dense and heavy and the salad light and airy. I did feel my feet come down to touch the ground after eating the rice and waking up the next morning felt heavy and I could barely get out of bed.
So the next day I tried just raw and I felt very energetic, in tune, loving and clear. I gave in half way through the day and ate some chocolate which had sugar and I passed out about 10 minutes later and awoke feeling emotional and tired.
I swear by raw foods once again, I just needed to integrate in a more balanced way. Listening to my body and what it craves is more important to me than following any pre-set rules. Some steamed veggies, warm broths and tea seem to help at night to make the transition from cooked to raw easier.
Ayurvedic medicine tells us that we each have a specific vehicle or body type that has special needs for maintaining it in the most harmonious way. I am a Vata body type, which is mostly air so I tend to need grounding, warm, smooth and oily foods combined with a diet of fresh and raw foods.
Finally after five years, live foods have once again resurfaced in my life after taking part in a healing retreat this past weekend. Bahai Kalipay, an incredibly integrated and conscious community of raw foodists and healers, right here in Palawan, Philippines.
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| Raw lunch at Bahai Kalipay: Lasagna, Pad Thai and Pineapple |
When I arrived home from the retreat, I immediately made a pot of local red rice for some grounding and a large salad. When Jo and I were about to eat I noticed how the frequency of the pot of rice felt compared to that of the salad and my intuition immediately told me how I would feel from each. The rice was thick, dense and heavy and the salad light and airy. I did feel my feet come down to touch the ground after eating the rice and waking up the next morning felt heavy and I could barely get out of bed.
So the next day I tried just raw and I felt very energetic, in tune, loving and clear. I gave in half way through the day and ate some chocolate which had sugar and I passed out about 10 minutes later and awoke feeling emotional and tired.
I swear by raw foods once again, I just needed to integrate in a more balanced way. Listening to my body and what it craves is more important to me than following any pre-set rules. Some steamed veggies, warm broths and tea seem to help at night to make the transition from cooked to raw easier.
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| My lunch in Palawan: Fresh young coconut, salad, and avocado |
Ayurvedic medicine tells us that we each have a specific vehicle or body type that has special needs for maintaining it in the most harmonious way. I am a Vata body type, which is mostly air so I tend to need grounding, warm, smooth and oily foods combined with a diet of fresh and raw foods.
Pi Villaraza, a baylan (Philippine shaman) discovered the Inner Dance (a healing movement that is spreading across the world like fire) through raw foods. He began his spiritual quest on an all coconut diet for two years. He states in his book, Conscious trance: “The lighter our bodies and minds become, the more we are breaking away from the trance of everyday life. The trance which Buddhist call Maya, and which modern culture now calls the Matrix, is primarily a set of beliefs that we are limited beings living in a limited reality. We are led to believe that “we can’t do this”, “we can’t have that”, “there isn’t enough of this”, “we have to be afraid of that.” When our rigid mindset starts to loosen, we begin to let go. Our bodies start to relax and it becomes easier to heal ourselves of sickness and physical weakness. We open up more to the realm of infinite possibilities, we begin to transition towards the Light.”
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