butterfly wings

I don't write on here much anymore. I guess it's hard for me to see the point sometimes. I used to think everything I was going through was so profound and it is, in a sense and in another sense, I just gotta get stuff done now. For years I let the fact that I felt disabled, emotionally mostly, stop me from moving forward in life. It stopped me from just doing what I wanted to do. The fact that my mother emotionally scarred me and I had a shitty birth experience, that has stopped me from living the way I want to live now. Growing up poor and never having anything, has stopped me from following my dreams. Fear of failure, anger from having my heart broken, unforgiveness, fatigue. All these dark experiences as a part of the human condition and consciousness, the darker side of life all is purifying, being transmuted, like alchemy into gold.

I had an insight in meditation this morning. I am a butterfly in a cocoon, not yet free. I am struggling to push free and my wings are frail and weak. It hurts, it burns and I ask for the pain to stop. But it is necessary, it is building my wings...so I can fly!!!! I can fly. The pain is necessary, I can't ask it to stop. I must endure. I want to be gentle on myself, stop hating on what I am. So what, I am not yet a butterfly fully. I will be soon. It will come, for all of us.