Ayahusca

How do you go on with normal life when you are anticipating attending a ceremony that will change your  life?

Money, work, guys, working out, all these things seemed totally un-important to me this week. I have been laying low, really low. Going out for an hour or two is just about as much as I can handle. Although at times the safety of my own home has seemed jeopardized lately. I've already given my notice to move mid-Feb after I return from my sister's wedding at Ananda. I realized today I still haven't secured a place to live but I'm not worried. I never am, especially when it comes to things like that because it doesn't matter to me where I live. I know creator has always found me the most perfect and beautiful places and he already has provided for me. Now, if I can just apply that unshkable faith to other arears of my life. Interresting how some people seem to have no trouble with money, it just flows to them but then they have all kinds of trouble in their personal lives and with themselves. And then another can have so much peace but completely lack when it comes to finishing projects or keeping their word. We all have something we are working on I guess.

I have made a choice or the choice made me this week to attend a ceremony I have been waiting a long time for. It's been tricky talking about these types of spiritual things, as it's very sensitive subject matter. For years these types of things were never written about or recorded other than being passed down orally, generation to generation. When it comes to writing about and documenting, especially on film, certain ceremonies and plant medicines, I have to be very careful how much I discuss and depict.

Lately I feel such a shift in myself, like I am becoming someone completely diffrent. I can barely recognize who I've become but I'm very proud of myself. Things that used to bother me, don't seem to throw me off anymore and I have also noticed that the more calm I become, the more tests are thrown at me. It's like if you can get past that one situation, you know you are growing, and then just keep going from there. I have been doing pretty well lately, like 5 arrows are thrown at me and usually I can deflect them except one yesterday. I gave in after feeling abused too many times by the same person and I let that anger come in. I didn't let it out, but I felt it. Man, did I pay for it! Wow, later that night I was exhausted, I had a headaches and my whole body ached. That was just from getting mad, inwardly. I have almost completely passed the point where I would outwardly freak out, but it's really about even feeling the rise in anger anymore at all. Like in the teaching of Don Juan book I'm reading right now Don Juan is asked by Carlos Casteneda if he was mad at something that had happened. Don Juan says nothing man could do is important enough to make him mad. Wow right! I want to be there.

I've been hibernating in my cave this week but every morning I have been getting up and going for a nice walk. Today was amazing because it was sunny and it felt so good. Man, I really am calling the sun into my life. I need to live where it's warm, it does so much for the mood. Ok, I'll report back more soon and as far as the ceremony, you may not hear from me till after. If so, I love you, thanks for reading and spending time with me. Shoot me a line ok, it gets lonely out here sometimes.

xox
C