What does u mean

What does it mean to be a writer?
Do I have to compose perfect sentences with perfect grammar.
To structure words so they fit tight like little, wooden building blocks?
Is this what it means to write?

Why is it that most of my perfectly structured writing always makes me cringe.
Have I set the bar too high by using the alias "Yoga Girl East West".
I said the f word in one of my blogs.
What if someone reads it and is like, Yoga girl said the f word.
I worry and I sensor and then I edit.

Structure raised the bat and struck out.
Structure walked by his life partner, freedom, because he was tired and absorbed in his Iphone on his was home from work late one night.
Structure slipped and fell down in the shower.
No one found him until one week later.
No one missed him either.

I want to write the way the wind blows.
I want to paint the way a river flows after a heavy rain.
I want to use color the way I dress myself when I am feeling free and uninhibited.
I am, I will, I intend to use money like a  golden stream of light that flows and goes where I direct it.
I am free.

Moontime Reflections

Waiting for the hot water to boil on the wood burning stove so that I can take my bath.
I have my period and I am soaked from my walk home in the rain.
Pouring a kettle worth of warm water over my body in small cup fulls has become
one of my simple pleasures and luxuries I have given this body lately.

Actually, it's my way of showing myself love. I have decided to save more waste from mother earth and cut up old shirts in replacement of pads and tampons. It makes me feel like a hippie or maybe from the olden days.

I feel so tired and annoyed, it's like I am just waiting for my period to be over so I can feel normal again.
For the last couple of months I have given myself the luxury during my moon time cycle to relax. No work, no cooking or cleaning is required of me nor do I require it of myself. It has taken one year for me to train my partner to be on board with this agreement I have. He is wonderful and he respects that helping me by sweetly tidying up and preparing us simple meals. He understands that I honor and respect myself during that time as traditionally, the native women did in those days. I intend to re-incorporate this powerful teaching into society as taught to me by my teacher, Brooke Medicine Eagle.

Moon time is a sacred time, a time to go inward. A time where much insight and power can be gained for women if they allow themselves the space and time just for themselves. I go so far as to ask my partner politely if I can have the bedroom for my alone space, especially for the first two days of my cycle where I find the energy is the most intense. As partners, we have both agreed to this.
I find the energy of moontime can be quite powerful and sometimes with the man you love around, this energy can be misdirected and come out as anger or frustration. Especially because our feelings can easily be hurt at this delicate time. That is why it is good to have space, for both of us.

Wow, as I write this, I really see how far I've come as a woman and a woman who respects herself. I am grateful.

Ode to nothingness

Let’s be alone together sweetie.

Let’s be alone…. together in a relationship honey.

Let’s be alone together.

Let’s us express our love and devotion to another but keep out hearts closed out of fear of rejection.

Let us live in the world but behave like monks, recoiling from all exterior things for fear of entrapment from God’s beautiful creation, Maya. 

What a delusion.

Let us walk around and close our eyes pretending we see no beauty.

Let us hide our bodies and walk around living in our minds, seeking not to enjoy the fragrant flowers that surround us.

No, let us not have anything to do with this material world, a world with the possibility of hurt and pain. A world where joy, bliss, love and peace exist in a far away place called the future.

So honey let us live in fear together and shelter the other from a world where anything  can happen.

Let us be monks sweetie... and live together.

But why???????

To dance or not to dance

That is the question.
My cosmic romance is with the creator
Is it between him and I,
if so, then there is no need to cry
if I Sundance here, or dance over there.
My guides will show me
my courage to bare
my heart and soul
on that platform
could that thought have been real
That this time it will be me all alone
under the starry night, praying for four days and four nights
no food, water or sustenance
besides the cosmic rays

how o' how will I make it through those four days.
My heart aches to think that I may do this journey alone
no one too see, no one to impress
put on my best dress and dance alone
dance for God
dressing up for my cosmic parents
my heart wants to explode with this unselfish thought
who would I become if I did this just for me
alone, just me
and he,
and he is me
and I am he.

Could it be, that this is meant to be
that I could actually be free
from doing what it is I see
in my heart of hearts
away from family, friends
facing sister stars
alone in the dark
just me and my art
this body that was lent to me
and then I
don't have to do anything
but sit and give it back
who will I become if I allow this to be
Will it free me?

My story

I just realized for so many years I have been doing what I feel I should supposed to be doing. Like at 20, when all my friends were going out at night and partying and getting together at the beach, I was at home writing a feature film screenplay and raising money and writing proposals and directing films and working on my spiritual life and trying to get ahead. Lots of times I would have liked to just get drunk and enjoy but I felt a responsibility, to myself and others to make something of myself. I grew up with nothing and my parents didn’t have any money so I never really had a back up plan. I couldn’t just go home and live with my parents if things didn’t work out. I didn’t have a full time job at an office where I had Saturdays and Sundays off to get drunk and a bi-weekly paycheck I could depend on. I have been an entrepreneur since I incorporated my first company at age 19, so I have had depended on me and the results I create and if I didn’t get up in the morning because of a hang over, I wouldn’t eat.

I am allowed to vent sometimes too

Problem loading page. Problem loading u mother f****r.

I am having trouble connecting to the world wide web.

I just don’t seem to be connecting with other very well. Other than myself.

I am lonely yet I seek to isolate myself. There are people all around me and I feel lonely. I am invited to take a sailing trip with my partner and two friends and instead, I stay home for four days in an empty house on an isolated island. I have no internet, no cell phone reception and no long distance phone card to call home.

Why am I always seeking to put myself in these types of situations?

It’s funny because watching myself type these words is almost like a joke. It’s kinda eerie because I`m watching this person type and I`m like who is running my life.
My fears, my worries, my ego, my closed heart or God

Is he not all things, the light and the dark. Is even my most darkest and disgusting qualities all part of the grand scheme of this twisted little drama I am playing out.

Was it a smart move to stay home and face myself. To turn off the music and the TV like I am always yelling at Jo to do and look at myself. Face myself. How many people in this world right now actually are brave enough to face themselves. Well I would say not many because 90% of my life is focused on spiritual pursuits and I am barely able to muster the courage to spend four days in complete solitude. Maybe I prayed for this, maybe I asked for this. Today I tried to get things done, hear that, tried. The universe stopped me dead in my tracks. Nope it said, your not gonna do that, your gonna do this and if you don’t start listening to my gentle advice I`m gonna have to twist your arm so you will listen. I did the exact stupid and dumb thing Jo did yesterday and then I made him feel bad about it. I left the house, forgot my wallet, arrived at Marina Gardens to check my e-mail and the electricity was off and the internet down. Exact same thing that happened yesterday. Jo and I were having an intimate moment, talking and sharing and he decided he needed to check his e-mail before nightfall. We take a boat across, we arrive at the restaurant, no money, so he bikes to town, borrows some from his parents employees, comes back and the net is down. I`m bummed because I`m like a waste of my fucking time. This kid is so out of tune, I must leave him because I am so in tune. Bam, same fuckin thing happens to me today. Ok so there is something I am not facing, because the universe is forcing me to look at myself. No wallet in town today meant that I couldn’t buy any phone cards, or internet minutes which means I have ZERO communication out here. Maybe before I am able to learn how to communicate with others, I must be able to learnt to communicate with myself. Aha there is the key. If I can`t listen to myself and the still voice within, how am I supposed to be able to acknowledge, care for or hear those who are speaking to me or coming to me for help.

Golden Girl

Abundance is only a state of mind, a consciousness. When you change your frequency to that of eternal abundance, your thinking changes and the realm of all possibilities opens up. In a sense, you become golden, you are golden at the very core. From your new way of thinking, new ideas will arise for yourself that you previously never thought possible. From this new wave of thoughts, you will begin to act and manifest things in ways you only ever dreamed of. Suddenly you will look at your life and yourself, your relationship to God in a whole new way.

MSG in Food

I was recently e-mailed an article about the food flavoring additive MSG and I would like to quote it.

"When I heard this, I was shocked.  I went into my kitchen and checked the cup-boards and the refrigerator. MSG was in everything -- the Campbell's soups, the Hostess Doritos, the Lays flavored potato chips, Top Ramen,Betty Crocker Hamburger Helper, Heinz canned gravy, Swanson frozen prepared meals, and Kraft salad dressings, especially the "healthy low-fat" ones."


This guy is actually worried about MSG being in his food??? Look at his grocery list. The article is about MSG causing obesity. Did anyone look at the type of foods that MSG is being added to?? You can't add MSG to a banana, a leaf of kale or some almonds. If we choose to eat only the healthy, untouched foods that nature provides us, we don't have to worry about getting diseases and being obese.      Just a though.