My life thus far

About 4 or 5 months ago I arrived back in Vancouver and I started to read the book: Power vs Force by David Hawkins. Dramatic shifts in my perceptions, consciousness and overall relationship to life began to shift. The previous months leading up to reading this bookI had become much more self aware and "in my self". I was getting to know myself on a whole new level after having practiced bramacharya vows "in the city" for close to two years. I was getting to a deeper level of power in my relationship to the world and was acting from a powerful place. What I wanted and needed was falling into alignment with almost seemingless effort. I was meeting incredible, like minded souls who were also operating and relating from high levels of existence. And then, I started to read this book by Dr Hawkins and it all started to crumble.

I can only explain it as I was getting in touch with my heart center. A place I had not visited for some time. My heart center was connecting me with my feeling body and thus, more and more connection with the spirit realms started to unravel. My deep, deep connection with healing and the metaphysical world came on with expedited force. Sri Tatata, a Saint from Kerala, India arrived and after 3 days, initiated me into some ancient Vedic rights. This seemed to immediately spiral my life into a deep unraveling of the unworkable and unneeded patterns and situations in my life that needed to end. This is where it all started to become interesting to me.

Things started to become rather difficult to "do". Thinking ahead and planning had become almost unworkable and I stopped being able to multi-task completely. Each thing I did became the only thing in itself that I could handle from moment to moment. It was if my mind was slowing down and I could not ignore it.

In a short period of time I found myself moving to the coast. In fact I was pulled and propelled by a series of extreme events to leave the city. I ended up in a small coastal city outside of Sechelt. I worked on the land in the gardens of a small retreat and healing center called the Self Realization Meditation Healing Center. I went into deep healing mode there where many things were revealed and unearthed in a short amount of time. My periods of silence were in long increments and I became highly functional focusing on one task at a time in a steady day to day routine starting at 6am and ending at approx 7pm. Mediation and steady work seemed conducive to focusing on other aspects of life. Life was good until it was again shaken up after one month's time.

I discovered a community freshly starting not far from where I was based. Ruby Lake, there were many bright lights converging and connecting, some excellent and insanely similarly minded souls. I was in Canada and here were my peeps. Unheard of since I had essentially spent 10 years searching for them all over the globe, primarily in the US. The events that transpired with the people of Ruby Lake caused me to enter a deep heart space where I was able to release and let go to allow for life to unfold what it had in store for me.

So after a series of twists and turns which led me to end up on Salt Spring Island painting a large scale mural in connection with a Tibetan Buddhist Center, I am back again on the mainland.

What drew me here?
On set film work which I got called to be part of and then...let go after 2 days. It was ok because I was not vibing with what once felt quite normal and do-able for me. The film scene was a vibe I had not been around for a couple months and I was changed. It made me question my hopes and dreams of working in the commercial film industry as a director. Did I really want to dedicate the next 10-20 years of my life to work up to this position and then have to pump out this incredible shit into the mainstream. These films which I had worked on a couple of were not only bad but the consciousness in which they were being made was downright inhumane. The film industry is by no means glorious or glamorous. And the content these days in questionable to say the least.

So the common theme is it has taken me great efforts to do very simple things. Getting through the day at this point is the major theme but I've found ways to ground myself such as doing laundry and always having clean clothes. Also eating at least one good meal a day, usually breakfast, ensures that if I'm flying off in the astral planes, at least it's not because I didn't eat.  I am doing my best not to judge my state as unproductive because though it seems like I am not "doing" much, I am doing exactly what I need to and I am hyper aware of this.My saving grace has been painting and art which I have been spending many hours dedicated and deeply
involved in.

Basically, it feels as though I am having a blow out. Not like a blow out sale but more like a spiritual dry cleaning. Yeah.

I am having trouble being clear in communications lately for fear of upsetting or forcing myself upon anyone.  But my sensitivities have become hyper aware and yet at times I am able to deliver truth with surprising precision and strength when needed. My psyche is certainly changing and my ability to go after money or success is close to none at this moment. This has not been good on the old bank account but I know all things will come in good time and at the moment I am being sustained amply. I have more and more been relying on the day to guidance and support that has come from within and through friends and guiding lights. I am allowing healing to take place, right here in my home town and I am loving it.


The process is unravelling as I continue to judge not and allow it to be. The perfectionism and attachment to productivity and results has to be released on a daily level. My ability to care or worry about what others think is prevalent but no longer dominating my life. It has become about the inner guidance, which also come without. I have more and more trust in the divine forces above all else.