the shift is already here

Last night as I was waiting for the bus home, I held one of my blue crystals in between my two palms. As I massaged it, I could feel the energy that began to pour from it, out and across my body. I felt an expansion in my heart and mind and it didn't even matter to me anymore that it was cold and the bus would be another 20 min.

I got onto the bus and continued to be in this state of being, a really peaceful state. After I sat down I noticed how person after person walked by the open seat beside me. Who would sit down next to me I wondered.

As I held my crystal, deep, healing sounds started quietly re-verberating out of me. It sounded like I was humming, but it was more like a chant without words. I closed my eyes and continued to quietly sing this healing song. When I opened my eyes there was an Indian man with a turban sitting beside me. He must have been in his 60's and he had a long beard. He didn't look at me when I turned to look at him.

I continued to hum as the noisy bus continued on it's long winding route towards my home. The song continued and I began to notice that the man beside me was humming along. At one point I stopped singing completely to hear whether or not he was still singing. He continued on with the song  in the same melody I had been chanting, repeating it over and over. This went on for awhile as we both starred straight ahead, humming this deep soul sounds. Joy filled my heart, I felt warm rush over my body. No one seemed to notice with the loud noise of the bus and everyone being connected into their Ipod, phone or laptop. It was just this stranger and me, singing together and this loving energy that was so strong it just took us both over. When his stop came, he stood up and I turned to look at him for the first time. He smiled and gave me a little wave as he walked off. No words were exchanged but something beautiful and sacred had just taken place and we both felt it. Maybe others did too, but I'm not quite sure.

Virgin

My grandma is trying to turn me into the virgin Mary.
From my powder blue, borrowed old lady night gown, to the holy salt scattered across the head board
and now the 11pm no friends curfew. What kind of lesson am I learning living at my grandma's at 27-years-old?
There is nothing to worry about because I definitely won't be getting up to any kind of "trouble" as long as I'm living under her roof.

Love

Love.
I am in love.
I am love.
I'm feeling love.
I love, love.

This word is so strange...love.
This is supposed to encompass how we feel when someone evokes or stirs these feelings within us.
But I have been feeling love lately, spontaneously and it's not coming from any "one".
Lately I have become very controlled and conscious about my use of the sexual energy.
I wouldn't say that I'm not using it, but I'm not releasing it.
My sexual energy is being used in my art, school, meditation, my interactions with others and the love I am feeling for myself.
I am feeling love for God and when it starts to bubble over, it spills out to those around me.

I see that as a human being I have been looking for this love. Looking for someone to give my love to. Searching for that right person to spark the inner flame of my heart. But since being away from my partner and spending much time alone, I am feeling deep love welling up within myself.
I feel that some men are beginning to feel the energy that I am building inside and they feel love for me because of it. That control and focused use of the sexual energy is attractive, it's magnetic and in worldly terms, it's sexy. It takes discipline, focus and a goal. Why? Why keep the sexual energy in when I could easily just make love, have sex or masturbate. Well, it's a good question and as a young, healthy and attractive woman in my mid 20's, it's not always easy. I have found that the payoff is much greater than the momentary release of that pressure. Try it, even for a week and see how magnetic and attractive you become, feel how the energy builds and washes over you. Don't do it because you have to, do it for yourself to feel what a powerhouse you truly are.

I love you, unconditionally.

Why am I here?

 I knew I couldn’t just on with life, not knowing why I was here.

So I left it all behind; my family, my friends, my things. In search of something more, something lasting. I drove across the US and flew half way across the world, searching out anyone who had answers for me. I found them or them me, illuminated teachers around the world who were sharing the truths they had realized. But not just with me, with everyone and that’s when I decided to make this documentary.

Thanksgiving shock

You know how people talk about having culture shock when they first move to a new country.
Well since coming home to Vancouver from the Philippines I finally understand why it has been so hard on me...I have culture shock.

Sitting at my family's place for Thanksgiving I finally realized it's the Western culture I'm having such a hard time fitting into. It feels fake.


We watched videos my uncle filmed while visiting Jo and I in Palawan, I wanted to cry.
I wonder why I ever left?I miss my simple life in paradise. I miss my Jo. I miss how happy, beautiful and free I looked standing there on the beach, waving to the camera.So why am I here in this cold country, without my man? I don't know but in this moment I feel sick.

Forgiveness



"Forgiveness" - Acrylic on Canvas by Clarity West

 

                   

                                       

Remember who you are

I am an angel. A being from the stars.

The mud that surrounds me temporarily makes me forget from time to time.

I wandered through the city today, alone, feeling very lost.

I didn't know which way I should go and I felt trapped.

I was in tears on the sidewalk, my shades hiding my soul from the world.

My grandmother came in to my room this morning and scolded me for practicing yoga, for having an altar, for honoring "buddha or those guru's" as she called them.

I left her home quickly feeling I needed to get away.

My only place of refuge from the world and even that was pulled out from under me.
It was so overwhelming in the city today, I just wanted to be alone.
As I rode the skytrain I starred longingly at the snow capped mountains in the distance. I wanted to go there today, to go there to be in nature, even just to North Vancouver. Anywhere I could just be alone and cry.

Last night I had such a deep awakening. I sat up in meditation till 2am feeling the divine, feeling the awakening that was taking place within the deepest parts of my being. The subtle pains and past were healing and releasing from the light that was pouring through me.
I had streams of realizations, about the past, about having a closed heart and how shut down I have been to people and God. How I could have a more open life if I just surrendered.

I felt alone in the city today, without a cell phone or a good pair of shoes.
I felt insecure and I missed my friends.
Master was pushing me to go inwards.
I treated myself out to lunch and tried my hardest to enjoy it.
I walked around Trout Lake and practiced the Inner Dance movements.
I went to the beach, watched the waves and the storm clouds roll in off the mountains. I walked to the meditation chapel in the rain and it must have taken over an hour. I didn't mind at all and felt how God was training me to feel that my home is inside.

I decided to give up everything today. All I have been striving for, everything I have been "trying" to make happen. I don't want to force anything anymore, I don't even want to do a thing. Rather, I want to let things happen and I want to receive graciously what may come. I want spirit to flow through me.

After the two hour meditation tonight, I realized that the loneliness and pain I felt today were a construction of the mind. I was having difficulty enjoying just being, walking, eating, relaxing because I felt that I wasn't "doing" something or being productive. I see that when I am content in just being, the mind can relax and things can flow more easily. Today was a beautiful day and I was not alone at all, in fact I had 100,000 angels by my side.

Where I want to be